For too long, women have faked orgasms. Now, a new generation is rewriting the rules with sexual honesty, boldness, and zero shame.
At some point, many of us have whispered breathless affirmations we didn’t mean, moaned a little louder than we felt, or clenched at just the right time to send the “message.” Whether it was to avoid hurting someone’s ego, to get it over with, or simply because we didn’t know any better, we faked it. We avoided sexual honesty, and we’re not alone.
A study by Zava Med found that up to 68% of women have faked an orgasm at least once. The reasons vary: performance pressure, internalised shame, and a lack of clitoral stimulation. However, the bottom line is clear — something isn’t working.
In an open conversation with sexual wellness advocate Yeside Olayinka-Agbola, Founder of Olori Coitus Wellness, we unpacked what it truly means for women to be sexually honest — and discussed what a future rooted in that honesty could look like.
“If you’re taking off your clothes, you should be able to be honest with the person you’re doing it with.”
Why women fake it: A legacy of silence
“Yes, women still fake it,” Yeside admits bluntly. Referencing a poll she conducted recently, she reveals, “It was shocking how many women admitted to faking it regularly.” When asked why this behaviour is so widespread among women, she didn’t hesitate: “Honestly, let’s put it at the feet of patriarchy.”
For a long time, society has made women believe that they should shun, hide, and control their sexuality. Many girls grow up hearing that talking about sex or wanting pleasure makes them “bad girls” or “shameful,” while we often praise men for the same things. This double standard makes it hard for women to be open and honest about what they want and need in bed.
Instead of feeling free to explore and enjoy our own bodies, we feel pressure to focus only on men’s pleasure. Many women stay quiet to avoid being judged, rejected, or called names. Many also do this to keep their partners happy and avoid jeopardising the relationship.
“You can’t prioritise pleasure if you’re still carrying shame.”
How shame steals women’s orgasms
In her expert opinion, Yeside believes getting rid of the shame associated with sex is a tough hurdle. “I do bridal shower workshops, and you can see it — grown women uncomfortable just saying the word ‘sex.’ The society has taught them that good girls don’t talk about it, don’t touch themselves, speak about oral sex, or ask for more.”
This internalised stigma creates emotional blocks that linger well into adulthood and marriage — which is supposedly the only “permitted” circumstance for women to have sex. “You’ve got married women who are ‘allowed’ to have sex but still afraid to talk about what they want. That fear doesn’t magically disappear after saying ‘I do.’”
In addition, because women are hesitant to speak about their sexual needs, we often end up having sex with partners who have little or no knowledge about what we actually want in bed. Contrary to popular beliefs, most women will not orgasm from penetration alone; they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
Furthermore, she emphasises that “Porn has taught many people the wrong lessons. It’s directed by men, for men. It doesn’t show what real women need,” she explained. “However, once they learn how to stimulate the clitoris — whether externally or internally — it’s not complicated. Just different.”
As Yeside firmly put it, “Faking it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.” It encourages men to continue doing what isn’t working, locking both partners in a loop of miscommunication, sexual frustrations and unmet needs.
“Sex is not a performance. It’s a conversation — your body deserves a say.”
Women are prioritising pleasure — and it’s revolutionary
Now, women are embracing sexual honesty. With quick affirmations, Yeside explains, “There are already women out there proudly saying they’ve never had to fake it. I talk openly about sex on national TV, online, in print, and I still have a full-time job. That alone tells me we’re making progress.”
More women are finally talking about sex openly, clearly, and without apology. They’re expressing what they want, what they don’t, and discovering what truly brings them pleasure. The old fear of “what will people think?” is slowly losing its grip, replaced by confidence and clarity. For many women, enjoying sex is no longer something to feel guilty about; it’s something to own, fully and freely, even if society still struggles to catch up.
This shift toward honesty didn’t happen overnight. According to Yeside, women of the previous generations had other priorities. “They were fighting for basic rights — voting, equal pay, owning property. Our pleasure had to take the back seat,” she said.
While the fight for equality is far from over, we’ve reached a point where we can bring our pleasure to the table. Sexual honesty deserves a place alongside every other issue we champion for women.
And it’s not just about orgasms. It’s about truth, confidence, and ownership of our bodies. “Sexual honesty starts with understanding your own body; your desires, boundaries, limits,” Yeside shared. “And doing the internal work to dismantle shame.”
Read also: “I love sex. Why should I feel ashamed of owning my sexual desires?”
Still holding back? Here’s how to be honest without regret!
Being sexually honest doesn’t mean tearing your partner apart. It’s about creating space for truth with care, compassion, and timing. Tone and timing matters, but most of all, the foundation of the relationship matters.
Sexual honesty touches real emotions and requires deep vulnerability. It can’t thrive in toxic or unsafe dynamics. As Yeside put it, “This only works in relationships where you feel safe enough to speak your mind without fear of backlash or manipulation.” In other words, you can’t be honest about your body if you’re constantly walking on eggshells. For sexual honesty to exist, the relationship must already have a foundation of trust, respect, and emotional safety.
“Don’t start that conversation mid-act,” Yeside recommends. “Have it at a neutral time when there’s no pressure, or performance anxiety.”
Her advice? Make it constructive. “Say something like, ‘I really enjoyed X, but I’d love it if you tried Y too.’ That way, you’re giving feedback, not criticism.”
Even non-verbal cues can help. “Use touch to guide. Physically show your partner what feels good to you. Communicate emotionally and expressively. That’s how you build intimacy.”
“Stop pretending you’re satisfied; your pleasure is not optional.”
An open, honest future filled with endless pleasures
An honest future filled with endless pleasures starts with us giving ourselves permission to be fully seen, heard, and felt in every part of our lives. This shift isn’t just about sex; it’s about reclaiming space, voice, and agency in a world that has long asked women to shrink themselves to fit someone else’s comfort. Change is happening, and it’s powerful. We’re learning that honesty, especially about our bodies, boundaries, and desires, isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. So maybe it’s time all women stopped faking it, not just in bed, but in life. We deserve more than performance; we deserve genuine pleasure.
