What does community mean to you? Is it the dictionary definition of a group of people living in the same place or region? Or is it a feeling of connection between people who share your goals, dreams, aspirations, and fears?
Until last year, I would have said the former. But these days, I believe the process of “adulting,” if not done mindfully, can be a lonely road. The old friends could drift apart, and finding new friends can be challenging. And there is too much competition to consider your work friendships genuine connections.
This year, I later got to find the solution: social spaces.
Social spaces are physical (or virtual) places where people gather with the intent to meet and interact. With this in mind, I sought out two of the best places I could think of—The House Lagos and Grey Matter Social—as the ideal locations to find my tribe. I also sat down with two of the most determined women on the planet, Tobi Hamilton and Imoteda Aladekomo, to learn about their journeys, motivations, and aspirations for building these vibrant social communities.
Wine, cocktails, and two nights of social connections
As I stepped into The House Lagos on a cool evening, the air buzzed with excitement and anticipation. Tonight was the Working Circle event, a casual networking gathering for professionals, and the topic was music education. I was eager to learn about the business side of the music industry while making new connections.
The space was warm and inviting, with a mix of modern and vintage decor that created a cosy atmosphere. With a complimentary glass of red wine at The House, I made my way to the main room, where a group of music industry professionals prepared to lead the discussion.
Cynthia Nwaru, the communications manager of The House Lagos, welcomed everyone warmly. “We created The Working Circle because we realised many of us struggle with networking and socialising to advance our careers,” she explained. “Tonight, we’ll dive into the world of music management and learn from the experts.”
The panel discussion was engaging and informative, with insights into artist management, music publishing, and the industry’s challenges. However, the palpable sense of community in the room struck me the most. People began introducing themselves to their neighbours as the conversation progressed, exchanging cards and ideas with genuine enthusiasm.
“We understand Nigerians can be reserved, but we’re working to change that,” Cynthia said with a smile. “Our goal is to create a space where people feel comfortable connecting for business or friendship.”
As the event drew to a close, I exchanged numbers with a fellow music enthusiast, and we made plans to grab coffee and discuss our shared passion for R&B. I left The House Lagos feeling inspired and excited about the possibilities that can arise from putting yourself out there and making meaningful connections.
A few nights later, in search of a different vibe, I head to Grey Matter Social, a trendy restaurant and bar on Victoria Island. It was Game Night, and the energy was electric. Imoteda, the founder, greeted me warmly and led me to the Games Room upstairs.
“Game Night is one of my favourite events,” Imoteda shared. “It’s a great way for people to come together, have fun, and build connections. We have all kinds of games, from board games to video games, and it’s always a blast.”
I joined a group playing a lively round of Taboo. Within minutes, I felt like part of the group. Strangers quickly became friends as we competed and laughed together. The sense of community was palpable, and I couldn’t help but be drawn in by the infectious camaraderie.
“That’s exactly what I wanted to create with Grey Matter,” Imoteda said.
“A space where people can be themselves, feel comfortable, and build meaningful connections. It’s about more than just food and drinks – it’s about creating a community.”
Creating and running a thriving community in Nigeria is no easy feat, as I learned during my conversations with Tobi Hamilton, founder of The House, and Imoteda Aladekomo, founder of Grey Matter.
Birthed from a place of loneliness
Growing up in Nigeria, Imoteda had always experienced being in a community of people, her people. But when she got to Canada, she got to experience the extreme opposite of that — a lonely life. It was so bad that when she got an opportunity to work on a liquor project in Nigeria in 2021, she jumped on the chance. After four months, she vowed never to return to Canada — but not without finding something else.
Tobi’s case was no different. As a university student, life in the United Kingdom was not always the happiest with immigration issues. However, she seemed to find her happy place in pubs. She eventually found her people at social houses in Shoreditch and Soho and family restaurants within Europe, finding contentment in bonding with strangers over a short period of time. However, finding her happy place in Nigeria was a different kettle of fish. She always found that women like her couldn’t have fun without men making “sleazy” moves or comments. And that’s where she made her move.
Turning ideas into reality
Tobi had a bold vision: to create a unique social space that would cater to the diverse tastes and preferences of Lagos’ growing middle class. Driven by her passion for hospitality and a deep understanding of the local market, she set out to turn her idea into a reality.
Similarly, Imoteda used her culinary and hospitality management experience to revamp Grey Matter after the previous owner had given it to her. According to her, she was determined to create a space in Lagos that would serve as a “refuge for millennials and Gen Z individuals” who didn’t fit into the typical party scene.
The approach
Tobi’s approach to building The House Lagos was a delicate balance of organic growth and strategic marketing. She handled the social media and content creation herself in the early days, leveraging her background in marketing to craft a strong visual identity and storytelling around the brand.
“My focus was on the food, drinks, and exceptional service. I needed to pique people’s interest and, in some ways, spirituality. There is something spiritual about Nigerian food that you just can’t seem to get enough of.”
With these, Tobi intentionally positioned The House as a place that celebrated Nigerian culture and nostalgia.
At the heart of Tobi’s vision was the creation of a welcoming and inclusive community. She was determined to treat every customer like a “king or queen,” ensuring they felt special and valued. This inclusive approach also extended to her staff, as Tobi makes sure to invest heavily in their skill development, which has fostered a strong sense of ownership and belonging.
Imoteda aimed to foster a sense of community and connection through events like Games Nights, which she saw as a “fun way to build friendships and a sense of community.” She prioritised creating an inclusive environment where everyone was treated with respect, regardless of their background or identity.
The roadblocks in building social spaces
The journey was not without its challenges for both entrepreneurs. Tobi faced issues with human capital, including theft and staff taking advantage of the business. The economic environment also posed significant obstacles with rising costs of goods and services. However, her unwavering determination and commitment to her vision helped her navigate these difficulties.
Imoteda also encountered challenges when renovating the space for Grey Matter. She faced infrastructure issues, including power and plumbing problems, and spent over N20 million on fixing power issues and another N1 million on plumbing. Despite these obstacles, Imoteda remained committed to her vision.
Tobi secured the lease for the property through creative financing despite some constraints. She pleaded with her boss, Balosh, to be her anchor investor by paying the 2-year rent upfront, allowing her to get the space and start operations.
A sense of Nigerian hospitality
Tobi’s intentional approach to naming and designing the different spaces at The House Lagos was rooted in her personal experiences and the desire to create a welcoming, inclusive, and culturally relevant environment. The living room, parlour, study, and white room were all conceived to evoke a sense of nostalgia and familiarity with Nigerian hospitality.
Tobi wanted The House to be where people with diverse interests and backgrounds could unite harmoniously. She envisioned groups like couples, friends, companies, and bridal parties all coexisting and enjoying the space in their own ways, driven by her belief that as Nigerians celebrate their differences more, positive things will happen.
In the early stages, Tobi handled much of the interior design herself, working closely with collaborators like Cornelius Udeh and Hadiza Sharon to bring her vision to life. Even when she couldn’t initially afford to pay them, they worked out arrangements to keep the project moving forward, a testament to Tobi’s passion and determination.
The wins
Since opening in 2017, The House Lagos has welcomed over 200,000 visitors annually. Tobi finds great fulfilment in knowing that the space has hosted countless life moments – proposals, marriages, dates, friendships, breakups, and career milestones.
Her goal is for The House to be a place where people can connect and leave feeling refreshed. The House has also been recognised with prestigious awards like the EMEA Hospitality of the Year Award and Google’s Top 10 Restaurants, further cementing its success.
As the brains behind Grey Matter Social Space, Imoteda has had an amazing journey in the last two years. When asked about her achievements, she humbly shares her focus on the small stuff.
“I’m proud of how organically we’ve grown,” she says. “We didn’t start with a huge budget, but my sister and I invested our money to get things off the ground.”
And it’s paid off! People are loving Grey Matter, and they’re spreading the word. “I’ve been blown away by how much our customers love us,” Imoteda gushes. “They come in, try our food and drinks, and then tell all their friends about us!”
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Regulars have started to become like family, and Imoteda loves seeing familiar faces every week. “We’ve got a great community going here,” she says with a smile. And with only one complaint so far, it’s clear that Grey Matter is doing something right!
Of course, no business is perfect, and Imoteda knows that profitability is still a work in progress. “It’ll take us a bit to get there, but we’re on track. I’m looking forward to achieving this in hopefully the next 5–6 months,” she says confidently.
And in the meantime, she’s committed to taking care of her team. “We pay our staff on time, every time,” she says proudly. “That’s just how it should be!”
Strategies for human capital
Tobi’s approach to staff management is multi-faceted. She invests heavily in their development, providing training programs and resources to help them grow. This created a strong sense of belonging and loyalty among the staff.
Tobi also maintains a high retention rate by consistently increasing salaries and offering lucrative benefits. She also invests in events curated to various tastes, such as the Literary Feast, a gathering for literature-focused individuals, the Working Circle for professional development, and karaoke sessions.
Grey Matter has been fortunate to have had minimal issues regarding conflicts and challenges. However, Imoteda recalls one particular incident during a queer event at The Rooftop, where two older, more conservative-looking guys were watching the event and staring. Imoteda and her team handled the situation without any major issues. Imoteda ensures to be present on the floor during events to prevent conflicts.
Grey Matter has received some negative feedback, which Imoteda has taken constructively. One piece of feedback was the lack of mirrors, which Imoteda has since implemented. Another area of criticism has been the space itself, with some finding it hard to navigate due to its unique layout. Imoteda has taken this feedback on board and made gradual changes to the space, which has received positive customer feedback.
The future for social spaces
As Grey Matter continues to thrive, Imoteda is eager to take things to the next level. She plans to bring on board a community manager soon to help host more events and activities that foster connections among patrons. Game Night, a crowd favourite, will become a regular feature on the calendar.
Lastly, Imoteda explains her five-year vision in one word expansion. “I’d love to expand and open a second location in Abuja,” she reveals with a grin. “It’s an exciting prospect, and I believe our unique blend of community, comfort, and great food would resonate with the Abuja crowd.”
Tobi has launched a second enterprise, The Terrace, with the hopes of it being even twice as large and impactful.
Despite the challenges, Tobi and Imoteda’s passion, determination, and commitment to their visions have been the driving forces behind the success of their respective ventures. By creating spaces that celebrate culture, foster community, and provide exceptional experiences, they have built thriving businesses and inspired others to follow in their footsteps.
