Dating humbled me and taught me all about who I really am
Dating can be an extreme sport. There are no helmets, no warning signs, and no practice runs. Occasionally, you enter into a date with a carefully curated version of yourself, armed with standards, rules, and declarations of what you will never tolerate. Many of us have a strong sense of identity, and we’re convinced we know exactly who we’ll be in a relationship. Then dating begins, and everything changes.
Once you’re actively dating — wanting to be chosen, navigating conflict and connection — you quickly realise something profound. Dating not only teaches you about another person, but it also introduces you to parts of yourself you haven’t met yet.
Brace yourself, as this might be the most soul-baring thing you’ll read today. And if you find yourself nodding along, catching glimpses of yourself in these words, know this — you’re not alone, and your feelings are part of a shared experience. Here are a few things I’ve learnt about myself while dating.
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I had rules before dating, but dating taught me nuance
Before dating, we all have rules. “I’m not going to chase.” “If my partner does this, I’m done.” “I don’t have the patience for that.” Dating taught me that rules are helpful, but nuance is necessary. Values should never be compromised, but not every challenge is a dealbreaker. Sometimes, what looks like a red flag is actually a yellow one — something that just needs conversation, not cancellation.
A few months into dating my partner, his communication — or lack of it — began to bother me. He wasn’t great at letting people into his mental space. As someone who values communication deeply, this hurt me more than I expected. I felt anxious, disconnected, and honestly tempted to walk away because it felt easier. We were still early into dating, after all.
Instead of quitting, I communicated my concerns. The change didn’t happen overnight. There was no magic switch. But slowly, intentionally, I saw effort.
Dating taught me that growth can happen, and progress can be gradual. It teaches you to pause, ask questions, and respond with wisdom instead of ego.
Dating showed me I’m capable of hurting someone, even when I love them
Before dating, I genuinely believed I was a good person with a solid character — someone incapable of hurting the people I love. Dating humbled me.
I learned that even with good intentions, you can hurt someone through impatience, assumptions, or emotional reactions. Loving someone doesn’t exempt you from making mistakes — it makes you learn to be accountable for them.
There were many moments where I reacted from my emotions instead of trying to understand. I’ve even broken rules I suggested for us, and dating taught me to apologise sincerely, and do better next time.
I now realise I often assume before communicating
One particular incident still makes me laugh. During a tense period, I got mad at my partner because he went completely MIA for hours. The reason I was upset? We had just discussed how important it was to update each other about our movements. I get anxious when I don’t know if someone is okay or — let’s be honest — alive.
When I couldn’t reach him, I spiralled. I assumed he hadn’t prioritised my feelings. I was angry, hurt, and convinced he had defaulted. In reality, this man was handling an emergency… and his phone had died.
Navigating a relationship has taught me that assumptions can be very damaging, and facts are what should be relied on. It taught me to pause, ask questions, and lead with curiosity instead of conclusions.
I was selfish before dating, now love stretches me in quiet ways
Before dating, I lived for myself. I did what made sense to me, what made me happy, and what fit into my world.
Now, I find myself watching football matches I barely understand, googling recipes even though I hate cooking, and picking up random work jargon just to follow conversations. Not because I was asked. But because these things bring my partner joy.
Dating shows you that love isn’t always about grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s the little, everyday decisions that quietly say, “I see you.”
Read also: Is your relationship in a sex-out? Here’s how to rekindle the passion
I’m not as eager to be done as I thought
We’ve all said it. “If this happens, I’m out.” Dating has shown me that endings aren’t always endings. Sometimes, they’re invitations to do better together. As long as there are no life-threatening or value-threatening issues, dating shows you that walking away isn’t always the only option.
Sometimes, staying and fixing things is the bravest choice. I’ve learned commitment through dating; it takes patience, effort, and emotional maturity.
I like having someone — that’s the difference between loneliness and companionship
Prior to dating my current partner, I was single for three years, and the truth is, I enjoyed it. I was happy exploring life, content in my own space, and confident in my independence. I genuinely didn’t think I needed anyone. I hadn’t missed dating in my life — then I met him.
Dating revealed something I hadn’t realised before — that being okay alone isn’t the same as experiencing true companionship. I wasn’t lonely when I was single, but I also hadn’t known what it felt like to share a life with someone who simply wanted to add to it.
Companionship looks like having someone to sit with in silence and still feel understood. It’s knowing there’s someone who shows up, not to complete you, but to walk alongside you. Dating taught me that independence and companionship don’t cancel each other out. They coexist beautifully together.
Dating taught me that ice cream really does help
After arguments or emotionally heavy moments, I’ve learned that simple calming rituals matter. Ice cream, taking a walk, listening to music, or just taking space to breathe — it all helps.
Dating taught me that space doesn’t mean distance. Sometimes, it’s exactly what brings clarity and calm.
At the end of it all, dating didn’t turn me into someone else — it refined me. I’m still grounded in my values. I’m still learning, still growing, still hopeful. Dating showed me my capacity to love deeply, communicate honestly, and choose patience without losing myself.
I’m just a girl who loves love, and dating taught me that loving well is something you learn, one imperfect day at a time.
Read more: Gist Me: How do you know your partner is the one?
