Sharon Anene, a seasoned holistic sex therapist and coach, champions the journey towards embracing your sexual identity with open arms. In a world where sexual pleasure and desires, especially among women, remain shadowed by societal taboos and personal judgments in 2024, the importance of recognising sex as an integral part of our existence cannot be overstated. Despite lingering stigmas, the undeniable truth is that sex remains a fundamental aspect of life, with or without societal approval.
This feature with Sharon Anene unfolds as an empowering exploration into reclaiming your sexual desires boldly and owning your pleasure.
Some common misconceptions about sexual desires
Throughout history, the understanding and openness towards sex have been constrained by numerous influences, shaping women’s perceptions of their sexual desires. Sharon Anene sheds light on several enduring myths about sex and their impact on women:
“Women don’t enjoy sex; only bad girls do.”
To this, Sharon says:
“Look! We enjoy sex, and it doesn’t make us promiscuous because sex is primal. We can’t continue to allow fear around female sexuality. We deserve orgasms, too. We should partake in the benefits of sex without the shame of being labelled ‘bad’”
“Women aren’t as adventurous as men.”
To this, Sharon says:
“This isn’t a general thing. Not everyone likes the same things. People are limited by various factors like health, psychological issues, and female genital mutilation —which needs to stop, by the way—as well as information passed down by the media, family, peers, etc. Other than these, women want to explore. Just find out what you like and communicate with your partner.
“If she doesn’t bleed, she’s not a virgin.”
To this, Sharon says:
“In 2024, you shouldn’t be saying or believing this. Not all women do. The hymen is a thin piece of tissue that partly covers the vaginal opening. Some women are born without one, and during sex, tears and bleeding may occur, but it doesn’t happen for everyone.”
“Sex must happen with other people.”
To this, Sharon says,
“Self-pleasure is a thing. You mustn’t have a partner. Tantric self-pleasure can even help you understand what you like better, give you mind-blowing orgasms, and help you love your body more. Don’t be pressured to find a partner just for sexual fulfilment.”
Embracing your sexuality
The benefits of embracing your sexuality cannot be understated. Many women have found that having control over their sexual desires and preferences has helped them take control of their lives and identities. Whether you choose to have sex or not, embracing your sexuality means coming to terms with the fact that only you can decide what happens when and how it happens for you.
While speaking to Ejikem, a 25-year-old virgin, about owning her sexual power, she explained that being a virgin means she gets to control her sexual life completely. While she explores other sexual desires, penetrative sex is one that she deems valuable.
“It’s definitely a control thing for me. While I have little to no control over most things that happen in life when it comes to sex, I have absolute control, and I get to say when, where, and how, but most especially, who.”
According to Sharon Anene, accepting your sexual desires is the key to unlocking the most powerful aspect of your life. “Sex is a crucial part of life that helps improve mental and physical wellbeing.”
“Understanding your sexual desires can help you set boundaries and help you choose people, places, things, values, etc. that align with you. This improves your work and personal life. When you have a good work-life or personal life, you can manage stress and become authentic to yourself and the people around you.”
“Embracing sexuality is a source of authenticity. When you embrace your sexuality as a woman, it shows in the way you look, feel, and respond to others,” explains Sharon.
Love yourself too
Embracing your sexual desires can feel a bit weird at first, and that’s where Sharon’s tips for perfecting intimacy come in. Here’s what you need to do;
- Do kegel exercises often
- Prioritise solitude/self-care
- Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself
- Stay optimistic and open-minded
- Hit the gym and work on your pelvic floor
- Stay fit
- Eat healthy. Try cranberries, yoghurt, and pineapples.
- Cut off Sugar
- Set Appropriate Sexual Boundaries
- Romance Yourself
- Focus on the 3 C’s of sexuality: Communication, Change & Commitment.
Taking charge of your sexual desires can be a life-changing experience for every woman. Understanding your body and knowing what fits and what doesn’t will help elevate your sexual experience. So, take control and know that sex, too, is power.
