Ladies, it’s time to prioritise your pleasure. You can demand and enjoy the oral sex you desire.
It’s 2025, and the orgasm gap is still a thing. Studies have confirmed what many of us already know: heterosexual men reach orgasm far more frequently than heterosexual women during sex. And here’s the kicker—women are way more likely to go down on their partners than have the favour returned.
This isn’t just an unfortunate imbalance; it reflects power dynamics in and out of the bedroom. Men grow up feeling entitled to pleasure, while women are raised to prioritise everyone else’s needs before their own. We’re taught that our pleasure is a bonus rather than a priority, something we should appreciate rather than expect.
Enough of that.
Sexual agency isn’t just about knowing what you want—it’s about owning it. Oral sex is no different; it should never be a rare treat or a reluctant favour. It should be a standard part of an intimate, mutually satisfying experience. If you’ve ever hesitated to ask for what you want, felt self-conscious about demanding reciprocity, or settled for less than you deserve, consider this your wake-up call. It’s time to shift the narrative from being grateful for whatever scraps of pleasure you’re given to demanding (and expecting) an experience as fulfilling for you as it is for your partner.
Here’s how to reclaim your power in the bedroom—starting with what goes down down there.
Drop the shame, own your desire
If you’ve ever felt guilty about asking for oral, I see you. For too long, we’ve internalised the idea that asking for what we want—especially in bed—is too demanding, too needy, too much. In fact, we’re often shamed for wanting or liking sex. However, your partner should want to please you, just as much as you want to please them. If they don’t, that’s not just a preference; it’s a problem. A healthy sex life is a two-way street, not a one-person performance. So, own your desire and ask for head with your entire chest.
Make it non-negotiable
We negotiate so much in our lives—careers, friendships, even where to eat for dinner. So why do we hesitate to advocate for ourselves in the bedroom? If you’re always giving but rarely receiving, have an honest conversation with your partner. Something as simple as “I love when you go down on me, and I’d love to experience that more” sets a clear expectation. However, if the idea of asking outright feels daunting? Flip the script. Tease. Seduce. Say, “I want you to taste me,” and see what happens.
And just in case you need more reason to ask for oral sex, you should know that the Archives of Sexual Behaviour study found that women are more likely to orgasm if they receive oral sex (in addition to other activities like deep kissing and intercourse).
Reclaim the power dynamic
If you love being in charge, take that energy into the bedroom. Set the pace. Give instructions. And when it’s your turn? Fully receive without feeling obligated to return the favour immediately. Your pleasure is not a transaction—it’s a right.
Ladies, take back your power in the bedroom, via Pinterest
Ditch the performance, focus on sensation
We’ve all seen the overly choreographed depictions of oral sex in movies. But it’s important to know that real pleasure isn’t about looking a certain way—it’s about enjoying yourself and feeling everything. Whether that means letting go of self-consciousness, embracing the sounds you naturally make, or simply allowing yourself to be fully in the moment, prioritising your pleasure over performance will transform your experience.
Oral sex is an experience, not an obligation
Too often, people frame oral sex as something we “give” while men “get.” That’s a fundamental misunderstanding of intimacy. Sex should be mutual, enthusiastic, and always consensual. Think of it as a shared experience. Create an atmosphere that encourages exploration. Set the scene with soft lighting, a sensual playlist, or even a bit of playful anticipation. Turn it into an indulgence rather than an expectation.
Know this: You deserve to be desired, worshipped, and fully satisfied. There is nothing audacious about expecting your partner to put in the same effort you do. So, whether you’re guiding them with words, movements, or sheer presence, let it be known—pleasure is not a privilege; it’s your birthright.
And if they don’t get it? Well, my dear, that’s their loss.
