In this powerful personal essay, guest contributor Rosy Di Vaio shares her journey from being silenced by bullying and fear to finding her voice and walking the runways of Milan.
It’s strange to think that I’ve come this far, especially when I look back at the girl I once was — shy, closed off, consumed by fear. Throughout my childhood, from elementary school through high school, I had few friends and a severely limited sense of self-worth. I felt perpetually out of place, as if an invisible weight pressed down on me every time I tried to connect with others. The fear of making a mistake, of being judged, of not being “enough,” made me retreat further into myself. I couldn’t gather the courage to participate in group activities; instead, I isolated myself in a silent world, dreading every glance, every comment.
The weight of silence: Growing up in fear
School became a battlefield against my own fear, a daily challenge that felt insurmountable. I was an insecure personified. I didn’t believe I deserved attention, and every interaction seemed like an obstacle I couldn’t overcome.
By the time I reached fifth grade, the bullying started. I remember it vividly — the sharp words and cruel gestures that left lasting scars. One of the most painful moments was during a physical education class when my teacher paired me with a classmate. He looked me in the eyes and said, “You disgust me.” Those words cut through me like a knife, leaving a deep wound. I could still feel the humiliation and helplessness of that moment, as if the world had closed in around that cruel phrase. However, I couldn’t respond or find the strength to defend myself, and, at the time, I thought maybe I deserved it — maybe I was worth less than others.
Then came the constant taunts — throughout middle school, classmates would jeer at me in the hallways, calling me “ugly” and worse. Their cruelty knew no bounds. I was repeatedly humiliated — my jacket was once dirtied with mud for no reason, and I was called a “toilet” in whispers that echoed through the school. The weight of their words pressed down on me every day, leaving me feeling worthless. I began to avoid even the simplest interactions, retreating into the shadows, praying not to be seen.
During my early school years, I was paralysed by fear. I couldn’t speak during oral exams, despite having studied. The thought of being ridiculed in front of everyone terrified me. My teacher, patient and persistent, encouraged me to speak, but the words never came. It wasn’t until high school that I started breaking free from this silence, but even then, the insecurities I carried were still very much a part of me, continuing to haunt my adult life.
Yet, despite the overwhelming negativity, there was always a tiny spark inside me — a glimmer of hope. It was faint, fragile, but it kept me going. My family, especially my twin sister, was my anchor. With her outgoing personality, she pushed me to step outside my comfort zone, even though it was often a struggle. She was my refuge, always there to listen, support, and encourage me. Slowly, I started emerging from my cocoon, a little at a time. But the journey of self-discovery was still a long one, and I was far from where I wanted to be.
Finding my voice: the quiet revolution
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The turning point came when I started working as a promoter. I still remember those first weeks, feeling invisible, like a shadow trying to make itself known. My job was to approach people, ask for their information, and try to convince them to sign up for offers. Each interaction felt impossible. The fear of being judged, of failing, weighed on me, and I often wanted to quit. But something inside me pushed me to keep going. It was a quiet, persistent voice—the same voice I now trust more than ever—that encouraged me to keep trying.
At first, I would simply ask for information with a shaky voice, but over time, I began to gain confidence. The more I interacted with clients, the more I noticed a shift in my own attitude. The compliments I received made me realise that I was changing—gaining a new sense of self-assurance. It wasn’t easy, and every day was a battle against my insecurities, but I began to believe in myself. That voice inside me, the one that once kept me confined in fear, now urged me forward.
As I began to gain confidence, I found myself becoming more at ease with people, smiling more, engaging with clients, and starting to believe that I was worthy of their respect and attention. The compliments from clients kept coming—more and more, they would tell me how they could see the change in me, how I had become more radiant, more authentic. This was my first taste of real transformation — of realising that self-love and confidence could change how I was perceived and how I saw myself.
Then came the love that I had never truly known before. It was a love that made me realise my worth, my beauty. For years, I had been trapped in my own fears and insecurities, never allowing myself to feel deserving of love. But when love found me, it was like a bolt of lightning, striking my heart and awakening me to my own potential. This love made me feel alive, seen, and appreciated in ways I had never experienced before. It gave me the courage to dream bigger, to let go of the chains that held me back, and to finally start sharing my truth with the world.
Love, I realised, doesn’t have to come from another person to be powerful. The love I found within myself—self-love—became the catalyst for my change. It sparked a fire that led me to try new things, things I once thought impossible. I started speaking on the radio, walking in fashion shows, and showing the world who I truly was.
Even though I was still on my journey, each step felt like a victory. The fear that once paralysed me was now a distant memory. With each challenge I faced, I grew stronger, more confident. I knew that I was becoming the woman I had always dreamed of being—the woman I was always meant to be.
Standing tall and embracing the woman I was meant to be
In October 2024, I took another leap forward. I signed up for a workshop on body posture and elegance. This was my first real step toward my transformation, following the work I had done as a promoter. I remember walking into that workshop, unsure of what to expect, but knowing deep down that I needed to push myself further. That day in Rome, a day filled with intense exercises and emotions, I cried more than I expected. But it wasn’t tears of sadness; it was the release of years of repressed pain, the weight of my past. In those moments, I felt like a mother nurturing her daughter—except I was learning to care for and love myself.
Leaving the workshop, I felt like a new person. I held my head higher, walked with more confidence, and embraced the words that had stayed with me: “One step in front of the other, head up.” It felt like an early birthday gift, and by December, I was ready to take on the world with a new sense of self.
Since then, my journey has only accelerated. I’ve taken on new hobbies, including my growing passion for radio and fashion. I’ve sent countless applications to fashion magazines, and with each rejection, I’ve found more strength. In September, I walked in a fashion show in Milan, a city that has become my second home. Walking the runway, I was not just a model—I was a queen. I had always dreamed of this moment, and now it was a reality.
Read also: How body diversity is gradually fading from fashion as the era of “quick thin” returns
The power of believing: lessons from my transformation
Looking back at my journey, I realise how far I’ve come. The girl who once couldn’t speak in front of her classmates, who felt invisible and unworthy, is now standing tall, speaking her truth, and embracing her power. My story is not one of perfection, but of progress. It’s about listening to that inner voice that encourages us to keep going, even when we feel lost.
I’ve learned that the true strength lies in believing in ourselves, even when everything seems against us. And as I continue to write my story, I do so with courage, love, and a deep sense of self-worth, ready to embrace whatever the future holds.
Love exists, not just in relationships, but in the way we learn to love and appreciate ourselves. And that, my dear readers, is where true transformation begins.
Read more: The first time I felt pretty
