Proximity isn’t complicity: How seemingly innocent women face backlash for men’s wrongdoing

Ezra Olubi, co-founder of Paystack via @AfricaFirsts on X

Friendship or association should not be mistaken for complicity, yet women are often unfairly held responsible for the actions of the men they know.

 

In the ongoing discourse surrounding the Ezra Olubi controversy, a pattern has emerged that raises pressing questions about societal bias and accountability. Several women who were close to him — including Kiki Mordi, Uloma, Renike, and Dami Onisoroaye — have faced intense public scrutiny. Yet unlike the man at the centre of the allegations, these women are being judged not for their own conduct, but for their proximity to someone accused of misconduct.

This reaction reflects a broader, persistent issue: society often expects women to manage, anticipate, or even prevent male behaviour. When men act inappropriately, women are too often treated as responsible participants. In this current context, the women under scrutiny have not defended or endorsed the alleged actions or past remarks; on the contrary, they have expressed concern and disbelief, just like the wider public.

These women facing scrutiny have long been recognised for their outspoken commitment to women’s rights and safety. They have consistently used their platforms to advocate for gender equity, call out harmful behaviour, and support survivors of harassment and abuse. Their work — whether through public education, community organising, creative expression, or direct advocacy — has contributed meaningfully to ongoing conversations about protecting women and advancing feminist principles. 

It is especially concerning that individuals who have dedicated themselves to challenging harmful systems are now being subjected to criticism not for their own actions, but for someone else’s behaviour. Their track records reflect a clear and sustained commitment to championing women’s rights, making the current backlash all the more misplaced.

 

Read also: Accountability has no timeline — Understanding the public response to the Ezra Olubi allegations

 

Shifting the focus from the alleged misconduct

Ezra Olubi, co-founder of Paystack via @ireporteronline on Instagram
Ezra Olubi, co-founder of Paystack via @ireporteronline on Instagram

This phenomenon is not unique to this situation. Society often casts women as moral stewards, a role rarely expected of men. When women do not conform to these expectations, they risk backlash, reputational harm, and cyber harassment. In this sense, scrutiny of these women often becomes a way of shifting attention away from the actions of the individual directly responsible.

This pattern raises important questions about fairness and societal perceptions. For women working in professional, public, or activist spaces, the expectation to constantly monitor the behaviour of men in their lives creates additional pressures. It also underscores the need for broader conversations about how societies treat association versus complicity. Proximity alone should not be grounds for punishment, especially when there is no evidence of support for misconduct.

Disproportionate scrutiny of women in such situations may inadvertently discourage advocacy and force women to be even more hypervigilant with themselves than they already are. When women are held responsible for the actions of men, even indirectly, it risks reinforcing a culture in which speaking up or forming professional networks carries personal risk. 

Ultimately, the conversation around these women is inseparable from broader debates about accountability and power. The principle asserts that accountability for wrongdoing lies with the person responsible, not with those impacted or connected to them. Upholding this distinction is essential for creating societies where accountability is applied fairly, without gendered double standards, and where all individuals — particularly women — can participate without fear of being unfairly blamed for the misconduct of others.

 

Read also: A dive into activism against Gender-Based Violence with Kiki Mordi

 

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