Being a mother comes with a lot of heavy work — and too often, that weight leads to burnout.
I felt the need to write about mums dealing with burnout because society often portrays motherhood as joyful and picture-perfect, while the real struggles remain in the shadows. Through a small survey, I spoke to a couple of mothers who shared their unfiltered stories of exhaustion, loneliness, and coping with heavy work.
Their honesty revealed what many women experience but rarely say aloud — that while being a mum is rewarding, it is also draining in ways society doesn’t fully acknowledge.
The hidden strain of everyday motherhood
Burnout extends beyond physical exhaustion; it’s a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. For many mothers, burnout does not come in one big wave. Instead, it builds from endless daily tasks, sleepless nights, and little to no personal time. Tinuola, a 34-year-old mother of three boys, shared, “Taking care of my children without help from anyone and cooking are my major sources of burnout.” Detailing one occasion, she reveals, “I just had my newborn, and I was sick. I still had to take care of him.”
Her story highlights what experts call the “invisible labour” of motherhood — the unrecognised, unpaid, and unending work that keeps a household running. Women, especially, often carry this weight with little or no institutional support.
Balancing motherhood, work, and identity
The pressures of motherhood grow heavier when mothers try to balance childcare with personal goals and careers. There is a conflict between wanting to nurture their child and still thrive individually. This pressure can leave mothers feeling like they are failing at both.
Priscillia, a 35-year-old mum and entrepreneur, recalled: “The first year of becoming a mum was tough. My son was often sick, my husband was away for work, and I wasn’t getting enough sleep. On top of that, my makeup business wasn’t thriving. I felt like I was failing at everything.”
For many women, motherhood comes with the unspoken pressure to “do it all.” Care for the children, sustain a career, and maintain a home with little to no support. Research on maternal mental health shows that women who juggle work and childcare without strong support systems are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and burnout. And the pressure magnifies in regions where affordable childcare services are scarce.
Support systems make a big difference
Across the survey, one truth stood out: support systems can make or break a mother’s well-being. Whether it comes from a partner, extended family, or community, even small acts of help can relieve burnout.
Priscillia described the relief she feels when her husband steps in. “Whenever he’s around, my son just automatically turns to him for any form of attention, and that also gives me a little time for myself.”
However, for Tobi, a 39-year-old mother of four, the story is quite different. “The support isn’t consistent. Most times I’m on my own. After work, I go straight into house chores without rest while dealing with four kids. That’s when I feel extreme burnout.”
These contrasting experiences show that while love sustains mothers, practical support sustains their energy and mental health.
The pressure to be a good mother
Another silent source of stress is societal expectation. Cultural traditions and social media’s influence constantly measure women against unrealistic standards of motherhood.
Priscillia admitted, “Society always finds a flaw in how you do things. Especially when you scroll on Instagram and one mum or another is telling you what you need to do right as a mum.”
For Lush, a 33-year-old mum of two, the concern is less about judgment and more about identity: “There’s pressure, but I do what I want, how I want it. I’m more concerned about being the best for my kids and not what anyone thinks. ”
Here lies a difficult truth: burnout is not just physical. It is emotional and deeply tied to how mothers see themselves in a society that often demands perfection but offers little support.
Adopting coping mechanisms
Despite their exhaustion, these mums are finding ways to cope. These strategies may seem small, but they create pockets of relief.
Tinuola finds release in play: “Playing rough with my boys helps me when I feel overwhelmed.”
Priscillia takes moments to breathe: “I find a room and just stay there for a bit and gather my thoughts.”
Tobi chooses rest over perfection: “I take a walk with no one noticing my absence, or I leave the chores undone for a while.”
Lush leans on conversations: “Talking with my friends and going out helps, though it’s impossible with two kids right now.”
The call for accessible support
When asked if they would embrace therapy, childcare, or support groups if they were more accessible, every mum said “yes.” For many, childcare stood out as the one thing that could give them breathing space.
Priscillia summed it up powerfully, “Nobody tells you how much of a toll motherhood takes on you. From body changes to rebuilding self-confidence to finding new ways to earn. Support would help remind us that life doesn’t end when you become a mum.”
A gentle reminder for every mother
Motherhood is not a competition, and burnout is not a sign of failure. It is a reminder that too much is being carried with too little help. These women’s stories echo what so many others feel but don’t always say out loud: mothers need rest, they need support, and they deserve care too.
So if you are a mother reading this, remember, you are not alone, you are doing enough, and it is okay to ask for help. And if you know or love a mother, sometimes the greatest gift you can give her is not flowers or praise, but simply a break.
Read more: Postpartum care in Nigeria is about healing a mother’s body, mind and spirit
