When an older woman is murdered, the murder is rarely connected to dynamics of power and control that may have characterized the relationship for decades. Often these are women who have lived their entire lives in a situation of domestic violence, but their murder is not read as the culmination of a history of abuse, but rather as an isolated episode, a ‘sad epilogue’ to a long relationship.
Carol James, 81, was found dead in her home in a town southeast of London in November 2024. Authorities charged her husband, Brian James, also 81, with her murder. Rita Fleming, 70, was killed, and her partner, who denies the charges, faces trial for her death. Delia Haxworth, 85, lost her life, allegedly at the hands of her 87-year-old husband. Carol Matthews, a 73-year-old disabled woman, was killed in March last year. Her husband and caregiver, Peter Matthews, admitted to killing her to “end her suffering,” even though she begged him not to.
These cases are just a few among the many femicides in England last year, where victims were women over 70. This pattern is not an anomaly. Over the past fifteen years in the United Kingdom, at least one in eight women over 70 has been a victim of femicide. In Italy, the statistics paint a similar picture: in 2022, 46 women over 65 were murdered, 20 of them by a partner or ex-partner. A report from Istat on homicide victims highlights an alarming reality—women face a higher risk of being killed as they age, especially in domestic settings.
Despite these numbers, the media rarely covers these cases on a national level. If they appear at all, they remain buried in local news. Even when gender-based violence and femicide make headlines, certain victims receive even less attention.
The myth of the “perfect victim”
In media narratives, the “perfect victim” is a young, white, middle-class woman who follows traditional gender roles. A stranger attacks her, and her murder is framed as an unforeseeable tragedy—one for which she bears no blame, except for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
In reality, no woman truly fits this “perfect victim” mold. The media often searches for reasons to justify or excuse the violence, subtly shifting responsibility onto the victim. But for women who fall far outside this stereotype, their stories generate neither outrage nor sympathy. Society ignores the violence they suffer.
This erasure disproportionately affects non-white women, trans women, disabled women, and those who were attacked under circumstances that some deem “questionable”—perhaps they had been drinking, were with a new acquaintance, or had used drugs. Elderly women also face this invisibility. Already marginalized by society, they become nearly invisible when they suffer abuse or are murdered.
When femicide disguises itself as a “human tragedy”
Joëlle Long, a university professor and coordinator of the course on Male Violence Against Women at the University of Turin, explains how society misrepresents femicide among the elderly. “When an elderly man kills his wife, the media rarely calls it femicide. Instead, they frame it as an act of desperation, mental illness, or senile frailty. The killer is often described as a man who ‘couldn’t take it anymore,’ perhaps due to his wife’s illness or his own loneliness. This shifts an act of extreme violence into an almost inevitable human tragedy.”
This perspective, Long argues, reduces the murderer’s responsibility and redirects the conversation away from systemic violence against women. “When an elderly woman is killed, people rarely connect the crime to patterns of power and control that may have existed in the relationship for decades. Many of these women endured domestic violence throughout their lives, but society doesn’t see their murder as the final act in a long history of abuse. Instead, it becomes an isolated incident, a ‘sad ending’ to a long relationship.” This narrative erases the structural nature of the problem, making it even harder to recognize gender-based violence in older couples.
Gender-based violence against elderly women
Recognizing gender-based violence is already a challenge, but it becomes even harder among older people. Deeply ingrained gender stereotypes, the normalization of male dominance, and the lack of resources make it difficult for many elderly women to identify abuse, let alone report it. Many have spent decades in violent relationships without seeking help.
As women age, their vulnerability to abuse increases. The intersection of gender and age introduces new risk factors: reduced mobility, fear of abandonment, financial and emotional dependence, and health conditions that make leaving seem impossible. Many women feel trapped in abusive relationships, with no clear escape.
Social isolation intensifies these risks. As Professor Long points out, “With age, women lose their support networks—friends, colleagues, and even family. Without these connections, recognizing abuse and seeking help becomes even more difficult.”
The most common forms of abuse against elderly women
Psychological violence dominates in this age group. Abusers use coercion, humiliation, and degrading behavior to exert control. For ill or disabled women who rely on their partners for care, the abuse can take the form of neglect, refusal to provide assistance, or threats of abandonment.
Economic abuse is another widespread issue. “Many elderly women have spent their lives in a system that confined them to domestic roles, leaving them financially dependent on their partners or children,” says Professor Long. “Without a pension of their own, leaving an abusive relationship becomes nearly impossible.”
Breaking the cycle: What needs to change
Preventing gender-based violence and femicide among elderly women requires systemic change. Governments, social institutions, and the media must recognize the specific risks these women face and address them.
Some key measures include:
Training healthcare and social workers to recognize signs of abuse in elderly women.
Creating shelters and support programs specifically designed for older women.
Raising awareness through media and public campaigns about gender-based violence in later life.
Additionally, practical support is crucial. Women need safe spaces to escape abuse, financial resources to break free from dependence, and strong social networks to rely on. These efforts can ensure that no woman, regardless of her age, remains unseen, unheard, or unprotected.
This article was originally published by Alessandra Vescio on the Marie Claire Italy website.
