“For the ones like me who stare at a mirror all day hoping to fix it all with their eyes…
I have broken my mirror, please break yours.”
—Damilare Kuku
In my meeting this morning, I gave an outstanding presentation with so much grit that no one would have been able to tell that prior to the meeting I had struggled with body insecurities. I had spent close to 15 minutes examining my body in front of the full-size mirror beside my dresser, twisting and turning, trying to find the angle that made my nonexistent butt look fuller like that of the women I had seen in a BBL ad the night before, in an attempt to feel and look beautiful. I am like Temi from “Only Big Bumbum Matters Tomorrow,” and Damilare Kuku wrote about me.
In a previous article, I spotlighted Damilare as one of the new wave of authors unearthing captivating narratives, and I couldn’t be prouder to have put her on the list. I maintain that Damilare Kuku is an exceptional author who brings a powerful mix of humour and boldness to her books, touching on the complexities of women’s lives.
Her first book, “Nearly All the Men in Lagos Are Mad,” centred on the complex love lives of women in the popular Nigerian city and topped the inaugural The Rovingheights Best Seller List: Presented with Open Country Mag. Her second book, “Only Big Bumbum Matters Tomorrow,” does more, touching on a broader spectrum of women’s experiences.
With nothing but the title to go by, I went in expecting to read about a girl obsessed with big bumbum, but I got more than I bargained for. From battling body dysmorphia to the dark side of pretty privilege to queer realities and the turmoil of all forms of relationships, Damilare’s depiction of the everyday woman shows that she sees women, their struggles, and the truth behind the mask society makes women wear.
Synopsis
Fresh out of university, 20-year-old Temi has a clear plan for her future: she is going to enlarge her buttocks like all the other Nigerian women, move from Ile-Ife to Lagos, and meet a man who will love her senselessly. But when she finally finds the courage to tell her mother, older sister, and aunties, her announcement causes an uproar.
As each of the other women tries to cure Temi of what seems like temporary insanity, they begin to spill long-buried secrets, including the truth of Temi’s older sister’s mysterious disappearance five years earlier. Ultimately, it seems Temi might be the sanest of them all.
Damilare sees all of us
Damilare’s range is creatively displayed in this thought-provoking book, highlighting struggles every woman can relate to.
The absurdity of beauty standards
Contrary to popular belief, body insecurity isn’t a plague that starts at puberty. Damilare’s ability to show the subtle forms it takes in little girls even before womanhood is a brilliant effort.
“You started padding your pants with singlets at the age of ten, but it wasn’t because your bumbum was flat. The flatness wasn’t your problem; it was the fact that it was also inverted, as though it were afraid to grow.”—Temi
Damilare’s ability to reveal the chain of struggles that led to the 20-year-old’s scandalous decision calls for a more humane approach to interacting with women of all ages and a complete redefinition of beauty.
The dark side of pretty privilege
Pretty privilege is a thing. From being able to cut through lines to receiving favours from men and women to the career benefits some get from having society’s favoured looks, there are tons of positive experiences. However, the twist that seldom gets attention is how being considered “pretty” and “desirable” can also impact a woman negatively. Damilare used Temi’s sister, Ladun, and her mother, Hassana, to shed light on this dark side of pretty privilege.
“I always had a love-hate relationship with my body. Yes, I loved that it was healthy, but I hated that it developed too early, making me the centre of unwanted attention.”— Ladun
“I did not mention the incident with Mr Ogonna, but I decided to start wearing oversized clothes. Perhaps my body was the reason men acted inappropriately around me.”— Ladun
With the characters Ladun, who was always sought after because of her beauty and curvy body, and Hassana, who never lacked suitors, Damilare shows it is not always a pretty experience being a pretty woman. She touches on how women get punished, harassed, and even raped for being desirable.
Mental abuse
With “Only Big Bumbum Matters Tomorrow,” Damilare shows that mental abuse comes in various forms, and families could be perpetrators without realising it.
The subtle name-calling Temi gets from her family normalises abuse for Temi and then graduates to bullying from classmates, revealing a pattern of mental abuse.
“For a long time, you thought your middle name was Lepa Shandy.” —Temi
“How did I miss the signs that my baby was unhappy with her body? The jokes we made during family gatherings were never in poor taste, abi was I just not listening enough?”—Hassana
“Aside from making jokes, they also organised awards every year. They called it the April Fool’s Awards. You won Miss Curvy two years in a row. Désólá, a student with sickle cell anaemia, was awarded Most Athletic.”—Temi
The depiction of how seemingly innocent but damaging remarks from family and friends stuck with Temi for years reveals the reality of several women, and seeing myself in Temi didn’t completely heal my scars, but for the first time, I felt seen, and Damilare did that.
The true feminist
I cannot write a review about a woman-centred book without mentioning feminism. Perhaps the biggest plot twist is that Tito, a man, strongly supports female identity. From protecting his wife from the pressures of society to raising unapologetic daughters and displaying unwavering support to the women (even when they had difficulties processing their own emotions), Tito was a breath of good air and a definition of what feminist men are.
Gender-based violence
There will never be enough opportunities to highlight the monstrosity of gender-based violence (GBV). Hasanna’s ordeal with Atiku clearly highlights how women can be violated by men who claim to love them, and having men brush it off exposes the true extent to which GBV has been normalised. Jummai’s story also reveals how women who fight back face backlash from society, but it also shows that women have more strength than we give ourselves credit for.
Another aspect of GBV Damilare highlights is how some women are enablers. Between a desperate mother-in-law and a concerned woman whose advice for women in abusive relationships is to “stay for their children,” Damilare highlights the need for a mindset shift in how we process the aftermath of GBV.
The unseen heroines
Between highlighting how learning disabilities affect the lives of women and humanising queer love, it is clear that Damilare is passionate about the hidden women too. Hassana’s failure to keep her promise to attend university with her sister, Jummai, because of an undiagnosed learning disability marked the beginning of the end of their relationship as sisters, causing a ripple of events that could have been avoided.
Jummai’s short-lived love story also calls attention to the existing shame attached to queer love in Nigeria and its effect on queers. From losing her family to losing her lover, Jummai’s life is riddled with obstacles that depict the reality of queer people.
“Only Big Bumbum Matters Tomorrow” scratches beyond the surface of every woman. It takes you on a journey to discovering the make-up of women—why women make the choices they make and how these choices influence their lives even for generations to come.
“Only Big Bumbum Matters Tomorrow” might not be the best work of literature ever created. However, it stands out for its depiction of the reality of modern women in Nigeria and the world, which drives what ‘the best work of literature’ should stand for. Damilare Kuku is indeed the new wave.
