As the year comes to a close, reflection reveals our struggles and dreams — this is me encouraging us to confront stagnation and embrace new beginnings with courage.
Days after Christmas often come with a shadowy reflection of one’s year. What did you accomplish? Have your dreams been set in motion? Or is this just another waiting-room year?
“Waiting-room” years, as I like to call them, are years that feel stagnant but are really just in between years before a big break. I am not a fan of calling something a failure. You can say I took things a little too seriously when Nelson Mandela said, “I never lose, I either win or learn.” I mean, if anyone should know what the pressure to acknowledge failure is, it is definitely a man who spent 27 years behind bars.
That’s a long time, longer than my life, but that pressure is universal. A few years ago, I knew someone drowning in it. She loved her job, one of those rare folks who are actually excited on a Monday morning. She did more than required and cheerfully had ideas for more. But before me, she sat, unhappy, and defeated. It is almost December 25, and her November salary hasn’t been sent. She knows the company has the funds and more… She handles the accounts. So why the delay? Even worse, if she hasn’t received her November pay, then what’s the hope for December?
It’s a devastating blow to learn that passion, sometimes, isn’t rewarded; it is exploited. She knows what it’s time to do. She’s in her early twenties; there will be more opportunities. But she’s reluctant; she really loves this job and what it represents. It’s a Herculean decision, and I know the one she should take. I also know the one she would take. I know because she is me, was me.
December feels like the perfect time to let go of what no longer serves us
While this disappointment in my boss was deep and personal, the fear of quitting was not. In the past, I have had to abandon dreams and pursuits. Quite frankly, I was once almost halfway around the world with dreams of being an economist.
Quitting demands a level of confidence and trust; I don’t know what’s next, and what if nothing comes after? The sunk cost fallacy creeps in; why leave when you have invested a lot? Flashbacks of Rihanna singing the line, “Almost there, don’t give up now” in Run This Town.
Slowly, I start to think maybe quitting is extreme… That’s how I stayed at the salary-comes-a-month-after-it’s-due job. It wasn’t my finest moment, yet I truly believed that sending an email with my complaints could make a difference. No one in their right mind would be dismissive about a dedicated staff. It worked; the New Year brought a more efficient atmosphere to the handling of finance.
This makes for a fairytale ending; however, this is not a guaranteed formula. In fact, this is a strategy for preparing your boss, friends, or partners for your ultimate departure from their lives.
Closure, if you must. The detailed email informed my boss of every struggle I had, especially with the salary payment. It was a way of trying to reach out an olive branch to her, but what if she didn’t take it? What if my December Salary came on January 22? Well, to that I’d say, December is a great time to quit things.
The beauty in December is that it comes with the perfect clause: This wasn’t working out for me, and I want to explore something else. Everyone understands who would dare try to hold you back from your version of New Year, New me! A mantra that has become as commodified as it is over-saturated.
Come January, and everyone’s having a mood board or vision board event, I’m everyone. Before January, social media platforms like X (formerly Twitter) begin to remind you that it is the “scissor season”, and time to cut relationships that don’t serve you.
But what does it mean for a relationship not to serve you?
Relationship failures aren’t as black and white as businesses
Recently at the Entertainment Week Africa, I moderated a panel on running a business in the creative industry. Most panellists, working in fashion, could relate to the struggles of running on passion and its unsustainable nature. However, on the panel sat a venture capitalist, Mr Abubakar Sanusi. He is on the other side of the race to prove that your dream can be a financial success. He has seen hundreds of pitches and brand decks; ultimately, he decides who will get the grant. When asked what makes a pitch interesting, he says, “If it has a plan for failure.”
It’s shocking how failure remains a taboo topic in Nigeria. Thinking about the possibility of failure is seen as a lack of faith if you’re religious. So, what do you mean that there should be an “If this fails” slide in the PowerPoint presentation? The Canva templates don’t even have that.
But he’s right, as a journalist, I often ask founders what could destroy their brands. While most offer a defensive “God forbid,” one beauty CEO was hauntingly honest. She confessed that her past as a childhood bully — the very antithesis of her current mission to uplift women — was her greatest liability. She had changed, but she knew the digital world rarely permits such evolution.
On social media, there is no room for reconciliation; a single resurfaced story can turn a person into a permanent pariah.
This is because human relationships are far more complex than jobs, yet there’s a growing insistence that they aren’t. Jobs have metrics, KPIs, quotas, and when things aren’t going bright, there’s a query. The internet might insist that there’s a checklist of things to do to prove you care for someone, but the truth is, humans don’t have metrics. Friendships and other relationships aren’t heuristic.
Everyone’s searching and connecting with something different. Relationships are intimate, and what might get you a slap on the wrist in one gets you excommunicated in another. It hurts, but it’s important to respect their decisions. You grow, you evolve, but no one is obliged to reunite with you.
Reframing failure for the New Year
lazyloadSo maybe you didn’t fail a friend; instead, you’re the one who was failed. When do you know the right time to go?
Taylor Swift’s sister albums, Folklore and Evermore, have been some of her most exploratory. They discuss an array of dynamics — Folklore giving the iconic trifecta of songs from the angle of the cheater (Betty), the mistress (August), and the cheated one (Cardigan). Evermore explores less romantic themes like giving up on something or someone (it’s time to go), moving on in spite of the fear of losing a source of joy (closure), and finding solace in leaving behind a dream (happiness).
I have a personal bias for these albums because when we look back at history, we never view ourselves as villains. But I’ve consumed so much true crime and understand that viewing oneself as a victim can trap you in a bubble… Ted Bundy did intentionally attack women who looked like his ex, despite having ghosted her. He is often framed as a heartbroken man turned killer; he’d describe himself as that. But she is the one who was left hanging and forced to change her name.
Of course, this is an extreme case, but framing oneself as constantly the victim does erase the possibility of nuance. People might be hell-bent on proving that they are incapable of harm and the epitome of goodness, but we are all villains in someone’s story. So, how about this December, rather than cutting off every single person and boss who had you yelling, I urge you to try something different.
Acknowledge the possibility of failure, there’s nothing wrong in re-strategising or creating a plan b; Make a pros and cons list; give more attention to your passion, find mentors perhaps; draft a detailed email about your issues at the office; request for a raise; ask to meet up with that friend who you’ve been unsure of; tell your parents how they’ve hurt you. Instead of a strict black-and-white cutoff, let’s explore the grey areas.
It is fine if it doesn’t work out. You never lose, you learn, and posterity knows you tried.
Read more: The art of rest: Idia Aisien’s revolutionary vision for ambitious women
