What will you allow a man to do when he promises every materialistic thing you’ve ever dreamed of?Is a rich husband everything a young girl needs?
All my girlfriends are trying to manifest a rich husband; if he’s not rich, they don’t want to hear from him. The internet and society have long argued about whether a woman needs a rich husband. Some say that a woman must marry a man with prospects and deep pockets, whilst others say a woman should want a man of integrity and true love for her. The women of my generation believe that a man should care for her, love her and most importantly, have the financial stability to cater to all her dreams. So, why should she have to choose?
The only problem with that is, where are we going to find a man who has all these good qualities? It tends to feel like he’s a diamond in the rough or a wolf masquerading as Prince Charming. The aunties in our communities always remind us singles not to be too picky when choosing a partner. And maybe it’s because of them and the examples they set that we are so certain that money plays a huge factor in giving a man a chance. Why suffer through the terrors of being a woman in a relationship if he’s broke?
But what this ideology of dating only rich men leaves out is that the grass is not always greener on the side where the paper is emerald and jade green.
For the debut of our new relationship and intimacy column, Gist Me, we begin with the story of a woman who placed financial access above all else. Young women are often told about a pampered life with a wealthy man, but a difficult question arises: What will you allow a man to do when he promises you all the material things you’ve ever dreamed of?
The rich fiancé and the Ikoyi upgrade that sparked all our suspicions
Eniola lived with the four of us in a modest four-bedroom flat in Lagos. Then, one day, she announced she was moving out — she’d secured a bigger, better, more luxurious place in Ikoyi. We were all very happy for her, but I wanted to know how she could afford the move, let alone the rent. Everyone knew that Ikoyi was for “old money”. Although Eniola worked hard, hard work rarely opened the kind of doors that allowed one to suddenly afford a place in Ikoyi.
Later, she confided in me that she’d met a man who offered to pay for the new place. He’d already bought her a sleek Lexus SUV and a huge diamond engagement ring. She wasn’t quite ready to share her good news with the other girls. This made sense to me because she was still in a relationship with another man. She talked endlessly about her current boyfriend, and we all assumed things were far more serious with him.
When the new fiancé came around, he would take her to expensive restaurants and classy events. She always came home gushing about how much she enjoyed the lifestyle he offered. When it came to her move, I advised her to stay with us and keep managing the affordable rent — something or someone else would come around. I was nervous for her; he always seemed very controlling and aggressive. But she didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to live in a 5-bedroom, two-story house in Ikoyi, I mean, who would? He was giving her everything she’d ever wanted. After offering my advice, I let it go — I trusted that she could handle whatever came next.
Wedding bells: a future with a rich husband
After my poorly timed advice, I only heard from Eniola sporadically — a quick check-in here and there. She, however, insisted I be one of her bridesmaids and, as her former roommate and confidant, I agreed.
A few weeks before the wedding, she FaceTimed me out of the blue. She appeared pale and visibly shaken. She also sent me a photo of her pretty acrylic nails ripped back with her hand covered in blood. Eniola explained that it all happened in the middle of their engagement shoot, sparked by an argument over their outfits. In a moment of frustration, he tried to strike her, and as she instinctively raised her hand to block him, one of her nails tore off. I consoled her and helped her calm down. Then I asked if she still wanted to go through with the marriage, and she said yes. I kept pressing, “Are you sure? If this isn’t working out, you can literally do anything else”.
Days later, those questions earned me a sharp retort — she called me bitter and single, insisting I didn’t understand the realities of marriage. She accused me of being jealous of her and her upward mobility. What cut the deepest, though, was hearing him laughing in the background of her voice note.
When the wedding bells stopped and reality kicked in
I heard that the wedding was a mess, that he flew bottle girls out from Lagos to Benin as entertainment for his groomsmen. The bridesmaids were left stranded, scrambling for accommodations that had been promised but never provided. By 1 a.m. the night before the wedding, the bridesmaids, her friends, and her family were still scrambling to find somewhere to stay. Meanwhile, his side had been well cared for, with few or no complaints.
One year after the wedding, she gave birth to a baby boy. Her sister and our close friends reached out, urging me to let go of the past and make amends. So, I called to congratulate her — and the very first thing she told me was that she wanted out of the marriage. He was cheating on her, and her mental health was depleting. She had caught him cheating in their marital bed, with his ex-girlfriend — the woman he had been seeing before she came into the picture. Most of our friends didn’t know this, as she still leaned heavily on me as her confidant. I knew she was scared to let other people know what she had accepted all in the name of wealthy living.
Everyone else thought he was a good man who took care of her. He constantly showered her with bouquets, expensive wigs, and luxury handbags — all of which she proudly shared on social media. Truthfully, at some point, I was a little jealous of her. She had a man who was doing everything right for her, paying for everything. After the first baby, he got her a G-Wagon. On that same call where she complained about wanting to leave him, she also told me, “I’d rather cry in a G-Wagon than cry in a Keke Napep.” To this day, she’s still with him, and I had to cut her off because I couldn’t be the person she turned to only to unload all her problems.
More than a walking ATM: What a husband should really be
Eniola’s story is a reminder that money isn’t everything. Wanting a man solely for his riches might just have you putting up with things that you never even dreamed of. I’m not advocating for financially struggling partners, because family life can be expensive and children need as much support as possible — from the hospital bills at birth to their final day of college and even their wedding.
Her story is also a reminder to young women of the value of independence — of building a life that’s truly your own and worth living. Chasing status or competing with other wealthy girls will never be as fulfilling as being genuinely loved, supported, celebrated, and treated with respect. My sisters have always told me to never covet the things that other people have. Not only do you not know how they got it, but you miss out on what’s right in front of you.
A husband should also be more than a bank account; it’s okay to seek out a man with prospects who is driven and who can provide solutions for you. But what we shouldn’t accept is a man who is degrading you. He might give you every materialistic thing that you’ve ever dreamed of, but did he give you more love for your life and for yourself? Does he make you feel safe and less anxious? What does he bring to the table? A husband should be someone worth sharing your life force with. A husband should be someone you can trust with your sanity. Anything aside from this is a dangerous compromise.
