You might be looking for love, a simple date or just some company, but what if the experience is much worse?
Dating apps promise the possibility of love, excitement, companionship and even adventure. But for some, those ideals shatter quickly and often transform into horrible encounters. Today, swiping right can either lead to romance and adventure, or full-blown horror stories. In this piece, four women share their dating experiences that started with sweet intentions but turned sour. Whether it’s married men posing as bachelors or serial ghosters and freeloading liars, these stories expose the darker side of modern dating. Matching with perfect strangers can sometimes bring in people with questionable intentions. If you’ve said “never again” after a date, you are not alone.
For this story, we are collaborating with Lagos Wild Nights, a digital platform dedicated to capturing the pulse of nightlife, culture, and intimate social experiences in Lagos. Launching in 2019, the platform has explored the emotional and social dynamics that unfold after dark in a city like Lagos. They tell stories that reveal the human connections and cultural exchanges at the heart of nightlife. Many of these narratives focus on relationships, fleeting encounters, deep bonds, and everything in between. With over half of its audience identifying as women, Lagos Wild Nights has become a safe space where women share personal and vulnerable accounts of dating.
This article draws from hundreds of submitted stories. Some of which Lagos Wild Nights publishes on the platform’s social media. They feature in-depth interviews with women navigating dating apps and their experience with modern dating.
Ghosted again — and again (F, 27)
I met this man on a dating app earlier this year. He said he was new to Lagos and suggested a date at the beach. I was excited, but when the day came, he stood me up and went completely offline — basically ghosting me. Later that night, he texted to explain why he stood me up. His reason: someone had hurt his feelings. I was so upset because he could’ve communicated with me, and we would’ve rescheduled.
However, I gave him a second chance. Then he ghosted me again. He then decided to register at my gym just to find me and make amends. Mind you, this was the first time we were actually meeting in person, since he had missed all our previous dates. He already knew my gym routine and what I looked like. When he finally found me, he asked for my number again, claiming his phone had been bad and he couldn’t reach me. He practically begged, and I gave it to him. And then… he ghosted me again. Ghost me thrice? Shame on me for real.
Read also: Have you been ghosted? Here’s some expert advice on healing
The weekend that would not end (F, 31)
I met this guy while using some dating apps. He was a year younger than me and looked like he had a lot going for himself. He told me he was a creative director, and although I didn’t understand what that meant, we kept on talking. The first time we dated was at a restaurant; there was karaoke, and we had a fun time. He was the one who suggested we go there, and the place was quite affordable.
When the bill came, it was 19k for both of us. He tried to pay but his card declined. Then he tried again, and the same thing happened. He acted confused, saying it was probably network issues. He asked me to pay and said he would refund the money, and I didn’t think anything of it. I paid, and we went about our day. He never paid me back, and I never brought it up.
I initiated the next hangout, and he jokingly said it felt good to be taken out by a woman., I didn’t think anything of it. When we went out, he ordered quite a bit — appetisers, main, and dessert. I don’t even order appetisers and dessert when I go out.
After our dates, he would come to my house because he claimed his younger sister lived with him and he didn’t want her to get any ideas. He didn’t want her to think it was okay to be spending the night with men. While that rubbed me the wrong way, I overlooked it. One night, just before one of those government elections that meant the roads were closed, he said he was experiencing electricity issues and planned to stay at a hotel for the weekend. Afterwards, he told me the hotels nearby were all fully booked and the nearest available one cost nearly 100k a night.
He kept venting to me, and I felt the need to offer him shelter. I told him he could stay at mine for the weekend. After all, he had spent the night sometimes, so it wasn’t a big deal. The day came, and this guy pulled up with what I imagined was the biggest duffel bag Adidas made. I even joked that he packed like a woman. They lifted the curfew by Saturday evening, but he said he would leave on Sunday.
When Sunday came, he was still there in the evening. I asked when he was leaving, and he said he wasn’t working on Monday. Monday came, and this man was still in bed while I left for work. When I got back home in the evening, this man was still in my house. He hadn’t showered all day. He had made four packets of noodles and 2 eggs, and didn’t even wash the plate. It shocked me. I had not even settled in, and this man opened his mouth to ask me, “What are we eating for dinner?” “Who is ‘we’?, I thought to myself.
When I asked when he was planning to leave and whether there was an update on his electricity issues, but he told me they still didn’t have light. He added that he wasn’t going to work on Tuesday. This left me confused. ‘What kind of creative director is not working on Monday and Tuesday?’ I thought to myself again. It was then I found out he was a freelancer.
At this point, I was irritated because he was about to spend his fourth night in my house without contributing in any way. On Tuesday, I got home, and this man was still at my house. Just as the previous day, he hadn’t showered all day. He had ordered food, saying there was no food in my house apart from stew and a little rice, which he ate.
That rice was for my lunch for the next 2 days, and he ate all of it. He didn’t put the stew back in the freezer, leaving it sitting on the counter until night when I came back. When I confronted him about it, he said he left it out in case I wanted to eat when I came back. I was at my wits’ end. This guy was freeloading; he had not contributed or bought so much as a bottle of water for the house. I realised that this man had actually not even spent a dime of his own money since I met him. Out of anger, I told him he needed to leave my house the following morning and that he couldn’t live with me any longer. I didn’t even feel the need to lie.
The next morning, I woke him up while I was getting ready. He packed his stuff, ordered a ride, and left. I was so happy that he was finally gone. I went to work without any lunch because he had eaten all my rice. At lunchtime, when I tried to buy food, I discovered that all the money in my wallet — and my ATM card — was gone. I did not doubt in my mind that this man had stolen from me. However, my heart sank. I immediately told my colleague, whom I had followed to get lunch. She paid for me and told me we needed to go to the bank immediately to block my card.
As she was driving me to the bank, I was calling and texting this guy, but it wasn’t going through. I realised he had blocked me. I cried because he had taken me for a fool. Luckily, I blocked my card before he was able to use it.
His dating app profile didn’t say he was married (F, 25)
I matched with someone on a dating app in 2019. We clicked almost instantly. We ended up speaking regularly for months before I agreed to meet him. Before we met, we had already been following each other on Instagram for months and even sharing memes back and forth. When we eventually met up, he looked so much better in person. I was instantly lovestruck. We went to his house and had a fantastic time. This man did unspeakable things to me, which I loved. He positioned himself as a single man, and I remember asking him if he had a girlfriend, to which he said no. He spoke about how busy he was as a founder and how lonely things got for him.
He seemed so perfect. I had already caught feelings, and I thought he felt the same way too. There were times I would be at his house for days, and I wondered why he hadn’t made things official yet. He told me he was travelling to America for 2 weeks, and I planned that once he was back, we would have a conversation about making things official.
However, one morning while he was away in America, I woke up to a message request from a strange woman. I opened the message but didn’t accept the request. The woman was asking why I had been texting her husband every night. She also inquired about the nature of our relationship. I’m not one to cause chaos, so I didn’t accept her message request. I took a screenshot and confronted him. Instead of apologising and taking accountability, he said he never lied to me. He said that I asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said no. That he didn’t have a girlfriend, but a wife, and she lived on another continent, so why should it matter?
I blocked him, blocked her, and moved on with my life. Nothing on his dating app profile hinted at marriage, and nothing in his life suggested it either. However, because of this experience, I now ask men this question: “Do you have a wife, fiancée, girlfriend, situationship, friend with benefits, or significant other of any kind?”
Who needs enemies when you have this guy (F, 29)
I met this man online in 2021. To be honest, he wasn’t really my type, but I was bored. Things were opening up again after the pandemic, and I was lonely. We clicked and got talking, and the first time we met up was at his house at night. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best idea, but we had been talking for over two months, so in my head, I believed I knew him enough to take the risk. However, nothing unusual happened. It was a fun night. Months later, we were talking to each other almost every night. One day, we were watching TV in the living room, and he was on his phone scrolling through Bumble, the dating app. I understand we were not in a defined relationship, but I considered it disrespectful. I called him out on it, and he stopped. Although we talked every day, we barely went out. We had gone out just once, so when my friend invited me to a party and told me I could bring a plus one, I asked him to come. It was a Friday, and he said he would meet me at the party.
He showed up much later, and by then I had been drinking, socialising, and having the time of my life. When he arrived, he saw me dancing with another guy, someone I had just met on the dance floor. When I spotted him, I immediately left the stranger on the dance floor and went to meet him. However, I noticed he was giving me an attitude from the moment he saw me. I got him drinks, but he rejected them. He chose to sit down in the kitchen and didn’t even want to come to the dance floor. I asked why he was late, and he said he had to drop off his female colleague at her house, which was quite far from his route. I wasn’t going to let him ruin my night, so I went on to continue dancing with strangers.
There was so much alcohol at this party that people were passing bottles and pouring them down our throats. While I didn’t drink a lot, I made the mistake of mixing all sorts of alcohol, and I got so drunk. He was going to be my ride as I had arrived in an Uber, and the plan was to spend the night together. I got so drunk that I needed to sit, so I went to the kitchen to sit down with him, and he was still pissed. He eventually said he wanted to leave, and even though I was still having fun, I agreed.
Once I stood up, it was like I activated all the alcohol. My vision was blurry, everything was spinning, and I found it a bit difficult to walk. I take responsibility for mixing drinks, but this man didn’t offer me any help. He was walking ahead of me and didn’t so much as look back to even see whether I was still behind him or if I was okay. As I staggered, my friend saw me, held me, and led me to his car, put me in the back and sat in front. Thank God I wasn’t left alone with him because he could’ve thrown me on the roadside. He also made mean comments, though I can’t recall the exact words.
He kept grumbling that he would drop me off and leave. On the way, he received a call from a woman, and it was obvious he was lying to her about his whereabouts. When we finally got to my estate, he stopped at the car park and prepared to drive off. My friend had to caution him and insisted that he should at least walk me to my door, especially since I lived on the 4th floor. I shudder to think what could have happened if my friend hadn’t been there.
He reluctantly walked me upstairs and left without even stepping inside. I remember texting him after he left — only for him to block me immediately. I however, didn’t realise until the following day. He eventually unblocked me, and his reason for being upset and unkind to me was that I was dancing with other men.
Then he would scroll through Bumble in front of me, always texting one particular girl back and forth. One time, he even arrived late to the party because he first drove his “colleague” from VI to the mainland. Still, I believed he was someone I could trust. For months, we had spoken every day, spent weekends at each other’s houses, and even saw each other during the week. I let myself feel safe enough to be vulnerable around him. The irony was that I had told him I was inviting him because I planned to drink heavily that night — and he knew it. It only took that one night to prove I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Dating can be a minefield; the stories these women have shared are both shocking and darkly humorous. There were so many red flags and downright strange behaviours, it reminds you to be cautious when dating and to trust your instincts. Bad dates can happen to anyone, and they often make good stories later. These tales share how women show up in modern dating and the perseverance it takes to search and find something real.
Read more: Why do women keep going back to dating apps after horrible experiences? Here’s what we know
