The themes of motherhood in Buchi Emecheta’s “The Joys of Motherhood” give insight into what it means to be a mother in Nigerian culture.
The opening paragraph of Nigerian literary classic “The Joys of Motherhood” thrust us into the chaotic streets of Lagos. There, our main character Nnu Ego runs through the bustling city, propelled by anger, despair and a conviction to end her life. Buchi Emecheta uses the book to explore the complex realities of motherhood within Nigerian society. Through the life of the main character Nnu Ego, Emecheta challenges the idealised notions of motherhood. She exposes the cultural pressures and personal costs that shape a mother’s experience.
Nnu Ego, the main character, is a symbol of the heavy expectations our society places on women to become mothers. Her breasts heavy with milk, we first meet her where she’s running toward the imposing Carter Bridge to end her life. She is driven by a desperate urge to confront her chi, in a poignant quest for answers. Nnu Ego had days filled with endless heartbreak, from a husband who rejected her for her barrenness to another who allowed her to struggle with loneliness and raising children without support. The death of her first child shattered her. Each loss and betrayal weighed heavily, pushing her towards despair.
This short chapter, titled “The Mother”, always stuck with me. It centres the raw emotional landscape of motherhood. It portrayed the physical exhaustion and the mental despair that mothers often face. Emecheta challenged the idea of an ever-content mother, portraying Nnu Ego at her breaking point — questioning not just her sacrifices, but her very existence. The chapter also highlights the often-overlooked mental stability of a mother, especially in our society that places value on women based on their ability to nurture and endure.
“The Joys of Motherhood” explores Nigerian traditional expectations of what a mother was required to be. At that time, it was necessary for women to marry and bear children, preferably a son to carry on the family’s legacy. For Nnu Ego, this was not something that came easily to her. Emecheta uses Nnu Ego’s story to discuss the intense social pressures that force women to find their identity and value solely through motherhood. People regarded a woman’s failure to produce children not just as personal misfortune, but as a reflection of her worth. Through Nnu Ego’s experiences, the novel critiques a society that celebrates the ideal of the self-sacrificing mother while offering her little emotional or material support. While our current society has evolved, and many more women are choosing to be childless, wives still fall pregnant and enter into the cycle of motherhood.
The reality of marriage, motherhood and choosing husbands
In “The Joys of Motherhood”, Emecheta uses Nnu Ego’s marriages to examine how deeply a woman’s value was tied to her fertility. Her story demonstrates how quickly that value can vanish if those expectations go unmet. The first husband Amatotwu discarded her emotionally and physically when she couldn’t conceive. He treated her less like a wife and more like a failed investment. Her father sent her off with seven hefty men and seven young girls carrying her personal belongings. She left with seven goats, baskets of yams, yards and yards of cloth, trinkets, coral beads and calabashes of the clearest oils.
He wanted them to know that he loved his daughter, that she was special and should be cared for in this new home. The behaviour of Amatotwu was not just a personal failing, but a societal one, reflecting how men were allowed to discard women for not fulfilling expected reproductive roles.
Nnu Ego’s second marriage to Nnaife, arranged after the failure of her first, brought a new set of challenges and mistreatment. Though she was finally able to conceive and fulfil the societal expectations of motherhood, Nnaife proved to be an irresponsible and emotionally distant husband. Despite Nnu Ego’s sacrifices in managing the household and raising their children under extreme financial pressure, he often belittled her efforts. Throughout their marriage, Nnaife failed to provide consistent support, both emotionally and materially, forcing Nnu Ego into the exhausting role of sole provider. This neglect and lack of partnership highlight how, even within marriage and motherhood a woman can remain isolated and undervalued. This reinforces the novel’s critique of gender inequality and the emotional cost of traditional expectations. Through the novel, Emecheta questions through Nnu Ego’s suffering not only what society expects of women but also what society allows men to neglect.
Agbadi’s decision to take his daughter back and return the bride price shows he believed a husband’s role went beyond childbearing to include protecting, supporting, and honouring his wife. This contrast in behaviour suggests that even within patriarchal structures, there is room to expect more of men. They should treat women not as vessels for children but as partners deserving of empathy and protection. That expectation still feels radical today, where emotional responsibility in men is often optional.
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What exactly is the joy of motherhood?
Nnu Ego’s life is defined by relentless sacrifice. Like many mothers today, society expected her to give without asking and to endure without breaking. Emecheta makes it clear: this isn’t resilience, it’s a quiet form of erasure.
Through Nnu Ego’s life, the novel exposes how motherhood, often romanticised, can become a life of thankless sacrifice shaped by cultural pressure and gender inequality. Emecheta’s compelling storytelling challenges us to reconsider the true joy of motherhood and the cost at which women often seek it. Nnu Ego based her life solely on motherhood; she did not afford herself the same grace she gave freely to others. When her child died and she ran to that bridge, she wanted to punish herself, often forgetting her identity outside of being a mother. While we rarely emphasise this, a mother who knows herself beyond her role in motherhood is better able to protect her mental well-being and maintain a sense of purpose even when her children are no longer her centre.
According to the novel, a mother needs to know where she begins and ends, meaning she must recognise and preserve her own identity outside of her role as a caregiver. Nnu Ego’s life is a powerful example of what happens when society teaches women to define their entire existence by their ability to bear and raise children. Her sense of self becomes so entangled with motherhood that, when her child died, she felt she no longer had a reason to live. Emecheta suggests that this complete self-erasure in service of others is not noble; it’s dangerous.
A mother who knows where she begins and ends understands that her value is not solely in what she gives to others. It is in what she protects within herself: her dreams, her mental health, her desires, and her boundaries. The novel makes a subtle yet urgent call for women to reclaim their individuality, reminding readers that having an identified self is not selfish; it is survival.
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