A real way to learn about yourself and your relationship with the world is to do it alone.
Watching recent clips from Tracee Ellis Ross‘ new show Solo Travelling, has struck a chord within me. In some of these clips, she shares her solo visits to Morocco, Mexico and Spain. It’s not just the destinations that stand out, but the way she moves through them — present and joyful. Tracee has long embodied what it means to be at ease with solitude and solo travel. In one of the episodes, she expresses a desire to be “the poster child” who fully inhabits and embraces herself outside what society typically expects of women.
Travelling solo as a woman has many life lessons. It is an opportunity to experience yourself outside your community and the current ways you see yourself in your home life. It pushes you to trust yourself and your own instincts. You’ll learn to decide for yourself and plan your own schedule. You begin to realise that your identity can expand and evolve with every experience and challenge you navigate alone.
Discovering solitude and becoming my own companion
In her recent interview on the Today show, Tracee shares that she’s been travelling the world solo since her mid 20s. “I learned something then — can you be yourself, by yourself out in the world?” This resonated deeply with me because from the age of 16 to 21, I had many memories of arriving at the John F. Kennedy Airport in New York alone. Then, I was attending art school in the city and didn’t have any family there. For the first few years, I went out alone. I would take myself out to eat, see a movie, go to a gallery exhibition and go shopping.
At that time, being my own companion was second nature to me; I didn’t feel lonely or in need of additional company. I loved spending time by myself exploring the city. I got to hear my thoughts and interact wholly with everything around me.
As I grew older, I realised that society often discourages women from venturing out alone. My parents, like many others globally, advised me against it in New York, preferring that I always be surrounded by friends or in a group. While this advice stems from a good place, aiming to protect against harm, it ultimately restricts women’s freedom to explore the world independently.
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Tracee’s new show not only highlights solo travelling for women but also our comfortability with being alone and spending time by ourselves. The time you spend alone is the best time to curate how you experience life. “I personally travel to integrate my life, be by myself, breathe in the world and be in a sense of luxury,” she affirms.
Solitude didn’t isolate me — I discovered myself
Tracee’s love for her solitude extends beyond travel. As one of the few notably single Black women in the public eye, Tracee spends a lot of her time getting to know herself better. During the show, she reflected, “Yes, I am a single Black woman who does not have children, but not having a relationship, not having children has allowed me to explore things of my own humanity.”
At 52, she is redefining what it means to be single and unmarried. She is cultivating her life by experiencing the world and herself on her terms.
As someone who is currently single and has remained unattached for some years now, Tracee’s life philosophy resonates with me. There should be no pressure on women to rush into marriages or relationships. Society needs to encourage women to explore the world and get to know themselves before asking anything of them.
Tracee has shown us that solo travelling and adventures by oneself can be the norm for women. Women should be able to feel safe and free to explore the world. In those early years alone in New York, I learnt to listen to myself. I got to hear my thoughts and contemplate the sum of my character clearly. The solitude allowed me to know what I wanted and what I desired for my life.
Wandering through museums and galleries, I found my favourite artists and their artworks. It remains one of my favourite memories — seeing a Basquiat piece in person alone in New York. I got to hone in on my own tastes, getting familiar with knowing what I liked. When I sat down at restaurants, I chose meals I would enjoy, some I had never even heard of before. I developed an obsession with rainbow cookies and would eat them almost every day.
When I ventured out alone, I was free from the need to impress anyone. In that vast city, filled with diverse individuals, I could be anyone I desired. The street performers, with their faces and bodies painted in gold or silver, captivated me. Even the bustling Disney characters in Times Square, like Mickey and Minnie, who hustled for money after a photo, contributed to this sense of liberation. This profound freedom fostered my confidence and allowed me to connect with my most authentic self.
Embracing solo adventures is a truly remarkable journey, revealing a cherished and authentic version of yourself.
