Here’s hoping their good fortune rubs off on you, our dear readers.
Valentine’s Day has a way of making this question even louder. Whether you’re happily in love, deep in situationship confusion, or side-eyeing every heart-shaped balloon in sight, you can’t help but wonder — how do you know if you’ve found the one or just the one for right now? Is it all grand gestures and dramatic movie moments, or is it something quieter, like how they always remember everything you say? It’s the kind of question that can send you spiralling… or straight to your group chat for an emergency debrief.
But don’t worry, we’ve got you. While love isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey, we have figured out a way to take some guesswork out. To help you figure out the great mystery, we asked five women to share the instant (or the slow, steady realisation) when they knew their partner was it; no doubts, no second-guessing. Their stories just might make you believe in soulmates or at least give you hope that when you know, you know.
Here is how these five women knew they had found the one:
Chloe*
I knew this person was the one when I felt like I was being listened to for the first time in my life. It has always been one-and-done with this person. I mention something one time, and I never have to mention it again, especially if it’s something that adequately concerns me.
I’ll give an example – I had surgery a couple of years ago that left me experiencing intermittent pain in my right leg and my back. Although I am better now, I mentioned it to him one time, and he began sending me videos of physical therapy exercises. Amongst my friends at the time, he was the only person who ever did that. It was the most touching thing in the world. I feel so safe with this person, and I feel so much communion too.
Deep down, I know that this person will always choose me because we have always shown up for one another in very immense, impactful ways. I am so blessed to love them and to have them love me the way that they do. That’s how I knew that they were the one.
Additionally, he always takes care of me. I’m the eldest daughter in my family and the firstborn, so it’s double trouble. We’ve travelled to a few countries together. Whenever we travel, he charges my devices before his because he knows I’m incredibly lackadaisical about charging my stuff. I tend to be a bit clumsy, so he will always make sure that things are not toppling over or falling over tables, or that I’m not sitting on anything that can break. To be seen, be loved and cared for is really just how I know that this person is the one. More than anything, I know that this person is definitely my forever.
It’s very important to add that he does make me a better person because I’ve become so much more emotionally secure just having him in my life. I can focus more on my beauty and my well-being. Although I’ve never been one to compare myself actively to other people, I’ve been able to rest more just having him in my life.
Undoubtedly, he has really challenged me to heal habits that may not have been the best for me in past iterations of my life. I’m also just very thankful for that. It’s something I tell him quite often.
I love that he makes me laugh too. I love to laugh. We have a lot of inside jokes. He doesn’t keep much from me. He’s very honest, very open, and very vulnerable. I’ve watched him become more in tune with his emotions in the last year and a half, as we’ve gotten to know each other better. Things have been building up and unfolding beautifully. It’s been such a beautiful realisation for me to even acknowledge that I actually do love this person, and they love me too. So yeah, I do know that this is what love is supposed to feel like, for sure.
*Name changed at the request of the interviewee
Ngozi
I knew my husband was the one from the beginning because he was upfront about his intentions. He wasn’t ready to play around. One major thing that I really admire about him is the fact that he’s deeply family-oriented, and talks about his family a lot. I could see the kindness – how loving he is, and how much he loves his mum. I come from a close-knit family, so that got me.
The truth is that there were other people, but I quickly realised that I was carried away with the fantasy –but this was reality. I saw a ready man, not just to settle down, but to love me. He adores me. He was laser-focused on what he wanted – me.
Apart from the fact that I also prayed about it, and got my conviction, I was sure I had found the one with him. I was ready to settle down with my husband.
Jennifer
I knew he was ‘the one’ two years into our long-distance friendship. We met on Facebook in 2020 during the Covid-19 pandemic, so we only spoke over the phone, and that was it.
We did not meet in-person until 2022. By this time, I could see just how much emotion and intention he put into our relationship – the commitment, love, and kindness. In fact, there was excess love. He would avoid anything that would bring issues in the relationship. That was a green flag for me.
Additionally, he made it a point to figure out, and love me in my two major love languages – giving and physical touch. This man was doing everything possible to prove to me that he wanted to stay. Man, that was it. This was a man for me – a man who made the effort.
Undoubtedly, I just prayed to God, and He gave me Chinyere; he is just my answered prayer.
By 2022, I knew that I was not going anywhere. I knew I was in for deep shit if I ever lost this man, so I had to buckle up, sit down and hold my man tight. To the glory of God, we got married in 2024, and since then, it’s been blissful. It will continue to be so, because the commitment I saw in 2022 is still there. The flame is still burning bright.
Edidiong*
I knew he was the one when I felt peace even before we were engaged; there was all-around peace. My mum liked him the first time she met him.
Secondly, it was his love for Christ. The fact that he is a Christian, not just a churchgoer, was another thing for me. Similarly, his intelligence and ambition did it for me because I could see him making steps towards achieving those goals for the future.
His love for Christ and me, his intelligence, and the peace I found from being with him were the things that made me know that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
*Name changed at the request of the interviewee
Eno
I knew he was something special from day one. After a few weeks of reaching out via email to set up a virtual interview to discuss his groundbreaking film debut, we finally met. For some reason, I turned on my camera, and he had his on as well. What should have been a professional interview soon became an intimate conversation. We discussed my dad’s death, how much he loves his mum and much more. I left that call feeling conflicted.
Clearly, as a serious journalist, I knew it was unprofessional to pursue anything or cross any lines. But I also knew I couldn’t let this go without trying, at the very least. I ended up sending a message thanking him for a great conversation – harmless, right? Besides, it’s something I typically do after interviews; at least, that’s what I told myself. In my message, I also promised to watch the movie he recommended. He responded, and somehow, I ended up sending my live reactions as I watched, and that was it. I was gone. I don’t know the exact moment I knew he was my soulmate because everything since that call has reaffirmed what I felt when we first met.
He makes me feel safe, seen, wanted, and loved. As a first daughter and firstborn, I need to be with someone I can relax with, and be a baby with. He is that – in fact, he encourages it. I have to admit, it hasn’t been a walk in the park. Despite knowing that he is the one, I’ve been stubborn, annoying, and mean at times. But somehow, he finds a way to hold on, even when I am being a goat. It’s been over two years; I love him more than I ever thought possible.
Every day with him feels like a lazy river. When we are good, it’s as close to perfection as it gets. And even when it’s bad, we always find our way back to each other. I know he is the one for me because he pushes my buttons like no one else can. He also gets me and loves me more than I could ever imagine. He is so open with me, and it’s been a privilege to see him continue to share himself with me. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life loving my soulmate, and the actual love of my life.
