“I’ve had so many bad experiences in my previous relationships, and when I look back on them, I realise they are a result of my lack of boundaries.”
Since discovering the importance of boundaries in relationships, 24-year-old Peace has found her way out of toxic relationships. “My old friends would walk all over me and treat me like I was not human because I let them,” she said. “Finding my way out of that situation into a more healthy one was very hard, and it took a while before I began to set boundaries like going no contact with the people that mistreated me.”
At 24, Peace now understands the importance of having firm boundaries in platonic and romantic relationships. While they are not easy to implement, past experiences have shown her they are necessary.
Understanding boundaries as a concept
Boundaries are simply marked areas where you cannot figuratively cross. They merely depict a thing’s beginning and end or where to start and where to stop. At the beginning of every relationship, platonic or romantic, the essential thing to do is understand the likes and dislikes of our loved ones. We learn their preferences and beliefs and understand why they act as they do. However, we should be learning about one another’s boundaries at this same stage.
In many ways, boundaries are like standards we set for ourselves; anything less is unacceptable. When you measure relationships by these standards, you will worry less about whether you are valued as a person and achieve overall happiness. However, according to an article by Psych Central, boundaries can become unhealthy when one person tries to restrict or command the other person’s actions. When setting boundaries, understand that your boundary is simply an option for the third party and not compulsory to stick to. However, you decide if you want them to stay regardless or if they should leave.
These boundaries are a must-have
Setting boundaries in relationships might take a lot of work. However, they are necessary for achieving fulfilment in romantic and platonic relationships. Here are a few crucial boundaries everyone must have.
Communication Boundaries
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Therefore, you must create a space for open, judgment-free communication throughout your relationship. Always ensure the ground remains open to express needs, desires, expectations, and wants during the relationship.
Personal space
Regardless of how close you are to a person, it is essential that you have your personal space and that the relationship gives room for individuality. Relationships can start to feel suffocating when both parties base their identities on the relationship and not themselves as individuals. Therefore, personal space and individuality must be established from the beginning.
Emotional support
In every relationship, emotional support is a requirement for sustaining happy relationships. Specify how you will provide emotional support to one another. Communicate your comfort levels and set boundaries that allow for shared emotions without overwhelming each other.
Personal devices
It’s 2024, and now more than ever, our mobile devices and electronic gadgets are like a second home for most of us. With this comes the need for privacy to be established. Explain the importance of having privacy with your devices and explain that you will offer the same and even more liberties with theirs.
More examples of healthy boundaries in relationships include:
- No insults or name-calling during disagreements
- Respect each other’s time
- Ask permission to use each other’s items
- Ask for enthusiastic consent before touching each other
- Be honest
- Show gratitude
How to set your boundaries
Setting boundaries seems like a hassle, especially when you already have an established relationship with a person or people. But don’t fret. Here’s how you can start setting boundaries in your relationships.
Start early
Establish your boundaries as soon as the relationship begins. If the relationship has already started, you can let your friend or partner know what you will and will not accept going forward.
Communicate
Communicating how you feel when breached will help people understand you better and more quickly.
Learn to say no
Having the courage to say no to things that make you uncomfortable will save you a lot of time and energy and will quickly help your friend or partner know what you like and don’t.
Setting healthy boundaries is the easiest way to stay sane in your relationships. If you’re having trouble putting them, take your time and start with the ones that mean the most to you and grow from there.
