My body is not a problem to be solved, or an imperfection that needs to be fixed. I’m taking back control and done with the apologies.
I remember getting ready for a shower after a long day of lectures in my first year at the University, when a well-meaning friend casually remarked, “You should really do something about those stretch marks on your thighs.” I was shocked, not just by the realisation that I was somehow imperfect, but also by the implicit assumption that I needed to fix it.
That was my first experience with the never-ending cycle of female body insecurities. Growing older, I realised I was not alone in this struggle.
The many “flaws” of the female body
Well-meaning family and friends, and even strangers online, constantly bombard women with subliminal and obvious messages that their bodies are flawed and need “correcting.” Saggy boobs? Get a push-up bra or implants. Birthmarks and body hair? Laser them off. Body fat? Lose weight. Gap tooth? Get veneers. Have cellulite? Hide them. It’s a never-ending list.
But here’s the thing: these “flaws” are not flaws at all. They are the markings of actual bodies. Our bodies tell our story: the story of our growth as women, our ability to create life, and our experiences. And yet, we are constantly being sold the idea that our bodies are somehow inadequate, that we need to be “fixed” to be beautiful, desirable, and worthy.
The scrutiny is exhausting, its absurdity, staggering. Society always expects women to have flawless skin, perfect curves, and a perpetual glow. In their study, the Department of Social Work, University of South Africa, explained that the consequences of these unrealistic expectations are dire: low self-esteem, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and a deep-seated sense of inadequacy.
Furthermore, the notion that thin bodies and flawless skin are inherently better and healthier is a damaging ideology that perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards, discrimination, and negative body image. Medical experts emphasise that body size is not an indicator of health, as good health can exist in every size. Studies also reveal that being extremely thin or skinny is deadlier than being plus-sized.
The perception that “thin is healthy” fosters body-shaming, fatphobia, and ableism, marginalising individuals who don’t, can’t or won’t conform to narrow beauty ideals.
I am done apologising, and you should be too
After becoming aware of my “flaw” — the stretch marks that crisscross my thighs — I embarked on a quest for perfection. I slathered on countless lotions and homemade remedies, including an egg, baking soda and lemon concoction that vowed to erase my imperfections in a week. When it inevitably failed, I surrendered, but the sense of inadequacy remained.
However, it dictated my choices for too long, keeping me from wearing short dresses or even daring to wear a bikini at the beach. However, witnessing women with the supposed “ideal body” and “flawless skin” still get criticised only proves that perfection is an illusion. Now, I refuse to let the suffocating need for unattainable perfection stop me from living my best life and wearing the most audacious bikini on the market. I choose to reclaim my body and celebrate its uniqueness, and you should too.
Finally, we must recognise that beauty is not a one-size-fits-all concept, but diverse and ever-changing. As the brilliant poet and activist Sonya Renee Taylor once said, “Making peace with your body is your mighty act of revolution. It is your contribution to a changed planet where we might all live unapologetically in the bodies we have.”
With these words, I propose a revolution. A revolution of self-love, self-acceptance, and self-celebration.
