Unfortunately, the “good girl” syndrome does more than just help you succeed in everything you do.
How often do you put other people’s needs above your own? Or maybe you try to live up to the expectations of others, despite the fact that you yourself need something different? Such habits, which may seem harmless, in fact signal the “good girl” syndrome – the desire to do everything perfectly in order to avoid disappointing society. People who have this syndrome (which, however, has nothing to do with a clinical diagnosis!), also don’t know how to refuse others for fear of earning mistrust. They are ready to sacrifice their own interests and desires at the drop of a hat in an unconscious desire to be convenient for others.
What is the “Good Girl” syndrome?
According to psychologists, the emergence of the “good girl” syndrome stems from a deep sense of inferiority. An attempt to suppress this inferiority, based on extremely low self-esteem, leads to the fact that those with the syndrome, in a conditional competition, would rather help others win than try for their own victory, even if their future depends on it.
A few more symptoms of the syndrome are the lack of personal boundaries, fear of conflict and self-expression, perfectionism, and a constant desire to please everyone.
Despite the fact that, thanks to this syndrome, many people really succeed in business due to the fact that they cannot sit idle, trying to meet the expectations of society, its sufferers most often have to face the negative consequences of the phenomenon. The “good girl” syndrome is not only in the head – it can cause physical ailments, and this is already more serious. Wanting to make everyone around them happy, “good girls,” caring and quiet, sooner or later begin to experience health problems. As a rule, it all starts with headaches and insomnia, and ends with stomach pains and – often – an eating disorder.
Any of these ailments seriously impacts the quality of your life, which you are already putting below your priorities to please those who take advantage of your inability to say “no.”
How to get rid of the “Good Girl” syndrome
The first step to doing this is to acknowledge the problem and take a sober look at your situation. As long as you perceive your desire to please everyone as exceptional good nature, things will not move forward. Remember the times when helping others backfired on you, and the desire to meet expectations caused uncontrollable anxiety, even panic attacks.
The next step is to find new ways to take care of yourself. We have already talked about how your own desires and ambitions become insignificant compared to the demands of others, so returning to taking care of your inner and outer self is a top priority for you, former “good girls.” Examples of self-care include eating healthy and tasty food, taking walks in the fresh air, and prioritizing hobbies that make you happy. You can also start keeping a journal of your emotions to better understand yourself.
The third step in getting rid of the syndrome is not to be afraid of change. Since you have been living in the “good girl” routine for a long time, new habits and the changed attitude of those around you who are not used to you choosing yourself can seriously undermine your psycho-emotional state. The main thing is not to perceive the grievances and claims of others as a reproach that actually relates to your personality. Other people’s expectations are other people’s problems.
This article was originally published by Alina Solodukhina on the Marie Claire Russia website
