For me, a soft life means creating comfort and minimising stress in every way I can, as much as I can.
When people think of a soft life, they often imagine luxury; plushy robes, luxurious spa treatments, silk sheets and travelling first class. And don’t get me wrong, all of those things do indicate a soft life. What’s not to like about a deep tissue massage with a delicious-smelling essential oil? However, personally, building and curating a soft life for myself stretches beyond that to curating a life with as little stress as possible. As a woman living in Nigeria, this is much harder than it sounds.
From the rampant misogyny and patriarchal expectations and limitations, to the steadily rising cost of living, curating a soft life that is largely stress free as a Nigerian woman is difficult. However, that does not deter me from trying, and in fact, makes me more determined to live a soft life as much as I possibly can.
So, here are a few things in my own soft life starter pack that help me minimise stress and maximise enjoyment and relaxation.
Rejecting the restrictions of bras
Though clothing or undergarments made to support breasts have been around for centuries, I’m glad I live in times whenI don’t absolutely have to wear them. I find bras very uncomfortable and restrictive. Even if the many myths and misconceptions about wearing bras — like going braless causes sagging — were true, it still can’t convince me to wear them every day. I only wear bras on very rare occasions, and still hate every minute of it. If you wonder what I typically wear instead, I like bra tops and clothes that come padded or don’t require bras at all.
If you want to tap into this no-bra culture, you have to deal with the mental conditioning around bras, nipples, and only presenting our bodies a certain way. Likewise, if you need extra convincing, there are studies that show that wearing a bra may cause more harm than good. I knew I wasn’t paranoid.
Read also: Unhooked: The rise of braless freedom and feminine power
Comfortable clothes only: Flowy silhouettes & natural fabrics
A few years ago, I made a subconscious decision to only wear clothes that I not only look good and feel good in, but also feel super comfortable. I have not looked back since then. When shopping, I prioritise clothing made from breathable, soft fabrics like linen, cotton, silk, or soft blends. I avoid anything scratchy, too tight or too overstimulating.
When I have to go out, I put together relaxed fits like palazzo pants, kimonos, maxi dresses, and also mesh dresses — I love me a well-fitted mesh dress. I favour traditional prints like adire and batik, and combine them based on colour, fabric and texture. Even when sewing asoebi, I made a conscious decision to avoid corsets. The same also goes for shoes — I avoid wearing heels as much as possible, and opt for comfortable platform shoes, boots and sneakers.
When I’m home, I wear oversized shirts, comfy shorts and boubous that allow for ease of movement and don’t restrict the body. For me, soft life equals comfort, and I don’t play with my comfort.
A soft and simple skincare routine
Now, I know this seems like an obvious one, but my skincare routine is one of my most favourite ways to keep out stress and keep the softness in. It’s very minimal — face wash, a cleanser (either micellar or rose water), moisturiser, retinol, chemical exfoliator, face oil and sunscreen — but it’s very effective. I find skincare to be very soothing. Layering products and feeling my skin absorb them and feel better in real time. The reflexive nature of doing my skincare routine due to muscle memory also means that my mind has time to slowly think through problems and come up with solutions.
More often than not, I have music playing in the background, and a sweet-smelling candle on. It’s an almost spiritual experience; if that’s not soft life core, I’m not sure what is.
Read also: Glow up with face oil: My DIY recipe for happy skin
Scent heaven: Candles, diffusers and incense
Nothing ruins my mood or day faster than a bad smell, so one way I ensure I avoid them is by surrounding myself with anything that counters bad smells. Outside of perfume, which is non-negotiable, a sure fire way to counter bad smells is by lighting scented candles, constantly topping up reed diffusers, and also burning incense.
Now, my moods always differ, and so do my choices for whatever odour-chaser I’m using for the day. For candles, I favour gourmand and floral scents — some of my favourites include vanilla, milk, coffee and anything citrusy or berry-like. It’s pretty much the same for diffusers – though I favour citrus and fruity scents for that. For incense, I love the organic wood incense from the north, turaren wuta. I love how its deep and woody oud scent immediately seeps into everything – my hair, clothes and keeps me smelling great.
When I’m not in the mood for that, I have good old store-bought incense sticks. My favourite scents are cinnamon, patchouli, lavender and violet. Bless the wonders of nature for giving us such delightful scents.
My soft life starter pack is not really about specific products as much as it’s about curating experiences that embody that softness. The soul of the soft life is being as comfortable as I can be, even within the craziness of being a woman living in Nigeria.
