The millennial mid-life: When “making it” means something else entirely

An angry-looking black woman standing in the shadow of a chain-link fence via Freepik

The millennial now finds herself oscillating between the urge to define herself and the vaguer but truer need to escape, even a mainstream midlife crisis. And maybe it won’t even be so bad. After years of precariousness, endless rents and identities to be constantly renegotiated, this could be the first season in which something finally begins to take shape.

A man — white, well-off — who, at 45, leaves home, wife, and children for a convertible and a younger woman. In American films of the 90s, the mid-life crisis was a script so predictable it seemed like a caricature, even if the real issue was another: the feeling that time had passed elsewhere.

I always saw in those screenplays the desperation of those who chose too quickly, or who could never change jobs, cities, direction. Of those who, in an attempt to keep everything together, ended up losing themselves. That script today, more than caricatural, sounds surreal. The millennial mid-life crisis has a different grammar. As Alex Abad-Santos wrote in an article for Vox, this is a generation that can’t afford to throw everything away overnight, let alone buy a new sports car. It has grown up with an almost instinctive awareness of mental health, has normalized therapy, promoted self-expression, encouraged vulnerability in relationships.

Millennials are the generation most accustomed to crisis as a default state.

The myth of the “mid-life reset” also presupposes a solid “before”: an accumulation of assets, status, security—something to deviate from. But what is left to question when certain milestones have never truly been reached? After all, millennials are the generation most accustomed to crisis as a default state.

A close up shot of a sober-looking black millennial woman at a protest via Freepik
A black woman at a protest via Freepik

We grew up within a continuous sequence of emergencies, between the late nineties and today. From the Millennium Bug—the idea that a glitch could make everything collapse—to 9/11, which rewrote how we perceive collective vulnerability. Then the Great Recession of 2008, the collapse of employment, chronic instability, global warming, and then the pandemic, which merely froze—or suspended—all the uncertain promises of the future. We learned early on that solidity is a myth—that time shatters, that careers are unstable curves, that romantic love is not advantageous, and relationships are many, often precarious but varied.

Instability, in short, is systemic.

Talking about retirement is almost ironic. The concepts of accumulation plans, fixed-rate mortgages, micro-investments, or pension funds remain largely unexplored territories for many. Unless they are children of wealthy families or those working in the “safest” sectors, for the rest of the generation (from freelancers with a cult of creativity, to gig economy workers, to expats seeking fortune), the only constant is uncertainty. Most have recently come to terms with a deeper rupture: not so much (or not only) the frustration of “not having made it,” but the feeling that the very parameters of “making it” no longer belong to us. Hence, a profound sense of alienation from the identity narratives proposed. Those that told us who we would become and how. Orderly, coherent narratives, written by those who had traversed a different world—less fragmented, more legible.

The millennial now finds themselves oscillating between the urgency to define themselves and the vaguer but truer need to escape, even from a mainstream mid-life crisis. And perhaps that won’t be so bad. After years of precariousness, endless rents, and constantly renegotiated identities, this could be the first season in which something finally begins to take shape.

Translated and syndicated for Marie Claire Nigeria by Tobi Afolabi. 

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  • We explore the stories, ideas, and cultural shifts shaping women's lives today. From identity to community, work, and wellbeing, we spark conversations that inspire, challenge, and celebrate modern womanhood. Culture moves, evolves, and redefines itself—we’re here to document, question, and celebrate it.

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