Friendship is often the anchor that keeps us steady through life’s storms — but what happens when that anchor slips?
We often see friendship as the most enduring and unconditional form of relationship. However, just like romantic relationships, friendships can also end, leaving behind deep wounds, unanswered questions, and a different kind of heartbreak.
We spoke to five Nigerians who opened up about the end of once-cherished friendships, each with its own unique circumstances, but all sharing a common thread of pain and loss. These stories reveal how losing a close friend can leave wounds just as lasting, and sometimes more confusing, than a romantic relationship breakup.
Out of sight is out of mind
Olayinka*, Tobi* and Fisayo were inseparable in secondary school. “We were sisters. We even have our birthdays in the same month and used to always celebrate them together,” Fisayo recalls. However, things changed when she went to a different university, and the distance began to take its toll.
“At first, we would schedule calls to catch up, but they often cancelled at the last minute, and their replies to my messages became less frequent. I would also call to wish them a happy birthday, but they never did the same for me, ” Fisayo said in disappointment.
Despite her efforts to stay in touch, Olayinka and Tobi seemed to have moved on. Fisayo says she tried to hold on, but eventually realised she was the only one putting in effort. “School breaks didn’t help either because private schools had different academic calendars,” she explains.
The friendship slowly fizzled out, leaving her heartbroken and wondering what she had done wrong. “It’s been nine years since we left secondary school. I remember their birthdays every year, and the hurt from losing my sisters has never stopped.”
The high cost of friendship
Jemima says her friendship with Chioma emerged from a shared love for exploring new things and places. “We met at a Y2K-themed party in the university and became joined at the hip immediately,” she stated. While in school, Chioma’s career as a product designer advanced. She started earning more and enjoying a more luxurious lifestyle. Jemima, on the other hand, was on a tighter budget.
“Chioma would invite me to fancy events, but I’d decline because I couldn’t afford them. I also couldn’t eat at the places she wanted,” she revealed. While Chioma’s lifestyle may have changed the dynamic of their friendship, Jemima admits to contributing to their fallout. “I didn’t let her cover my bill when she offered. I simply wasn’t comfortable receiving handouts. She also got angry and couldn’t understand why I rejected her gestures.”
The confusion turned into anger, and best friends became acquaintances. “After a while, I accepted that our friendship was constantly putting me in a bad mood, so I let go.”
The girlfriend vs best friend situation
“Jola and I had a healthy platonic friendship,” says Segun, a 29-year-old realtor. “She was my childhood best friend, and we held each other through the toughest times, including my father’s death,” he adds.
However, Segun started dating someone new who was insecure about his friendship with Jola. “My girlfriend had an unpleasant experience with a past lover. I understood her concerns and reassured her, but she made me pay for someone else’s crimes,” Segun said, expressing his frustration.
“She would question me about our interactions, and I found myself caught in the middle. Eventually, he had to choose between his girlfriend and his best friend. He chose his girlfriend. “A part of me resents my girlfriend for making me choose. Jola did nothing wrong. I miss our friendship, and I’m sorry I hurt her.”
Read also: 5 women share heartbreaking stories of discovering their partner’s infidelity
The business of betrayal
Being non-confrontational, Ahmed knew his friendship with Jamal* wouldn’t last after a repeated betrayal. “We work in the same sector but different departments. We recommend each other for business opportunities, and this helped us financially,” Ahmed explains.
“Although our friendship started on a work basis, we grew close over the years. In fact, the people we work with also call us brothers,” he said with a smile. However, their friendship began to unravel when Jamal made a post on social media where he tagged Ahmed’s work competition, commending him on a completed job and recommending him for more.
“I was angry. Initially, I overlooked it and continued to secure business deals for Jamal, but he betrayed me again,” Ahmed adds, shaking his head. “I’ve never confronted him about it because it sounds like a silly complaint. However, we’ve become distant.”
Although Ahmed and Jamal remain in contact, Ahmed says he can not get over the betrayal and will not confront Jamal.
Friends only in season
What started as “girls sticking together through hard times” quickly turned into a clash of priorities when Esther had a baby after university. According to her, Dami was her “strength through her pregnancy.” However, when Esther finally had her baby, things changed. “I had to become more responsible, while Dami was still young and free,” she explains.
“I’m not the same person I used to be. I can’t make spontaneous decisions because my child comes first,” she emphasised. After a series of arguments over cancelled plans, Esther recalls having a conversation with Dami to save their friendship. “We reached a compromise. One date every month.”
However, Esther pauses before revealing they haven’t been on one since they made the decision in November 2024. “She works in entertainment, which makes her schedule very unpredictable. I also can’t predict my free days because I’m a business owner.”
Esther resolves that their friendship has run its course. “She was my friend for a season in my life. But I will always be grateful for her support while I was pregnant.”
As we reflect on the stories shared, it’s clear that friendship heartbreak can stem from various sources — distance, differing priorities, and even financial disparities. These stories serve as a reminder that friendships, like any relationship, require effort, understanding, and empathy to thrive.
While some friendships may fade away, others may evolve, and new ones may blossom. Ultimately, the pain of losing a friend can be a valuable lesson in cherishing the relationships we have and nurturing those that bring joy and meaning to our lives.
