Love evolves as we do. Once a fairy tale, it becomes complex, personal, and deeply real. Four women share how their understanding of love has shifted through different life stages.
We’ve all heard about modern dating struggles — ghosting, breadcrumbing, and the endless swiping fatigue. Yet, what’s often missing from the conversation is how women’s understanding of love itself evolves over time. Once imagined as the grand romance of fairy tales, love morphs into something messier, deeper, and often more realistic. So, I want to talk about the evolution of love.
Recently, over dinner with my best friend, I noticed how much our love stories had changed. What once thrilled us no longer held the same magic. We were now grateful for heartbreaks that once felt unbearable. In our own ways, we were redefining what love and partnership meant. Intrigued by this shift, I spoke to four women about how their views on love have transformed with age, and here’s what they had to say. P.S. – their names have been changed to protect their privacy:
Anita: Love beyond the fairytale
As a child, I adored princess-themed cartoons, believing love would come in a grand, unexpected moment. My dad’s romantic nature only reinforced my idea that all men were like that. Now in my thirties, my perspective has changed completely. I’ve realised that not all men mirror my father’s love, and I’ve adjusted my expectations.
For me, love now means a man who studies me deeply, falling in love with all of me — not just the easy, polished parts. It’s about consistency, respect, and feeling safe in a relationship. Contrary to public opinion, men aren’t the only ones who need respect. Love is also about kindness, especially in difficult moments. I want a love that feels like home, not just during the good times, but every day.
More importantly, I no longer question if I’m “too much” or “not enough.” Real, grown-woman love doesn’t require shrinking myself to fit into someone else’s life.
Ego: Chasing love to finding myself
As a teenager, love was dramatic, all-consuming, and filled with unrealistic expectations. I believed my first love would be my last. In my twenties, love became an experiment. I ignored red flags, dismissed advice from older women, and kept telling myself, “This time is different.”
I spent years chasing love, believing in “forever” too soon. Heartbreak became a rite of passage, but so did learning to stand on my own. Eventually, love stopped being about finding “the one” and became about finding myself. I learned that the right person won’t fix me, and self-love isn’t just a cliché — it’s the foundation for everything else.
Now, in my forties, I am more settled and content than ever. I don’t have a long-term partner, and I’m not searching. I’ve fallen in love with myself, and it’s been a beautiful journey. The longest relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves. If love comes, I’ll welcome it without changing who I am. And if it doesn’t, I am perfectly fine.
Kehinde: Love, luck and high standards*
When I was younger, love looked like a fairy tale. I devoured romance novels—Sweet Valley High, Harlequin—and believed love would be effortless. I thought I’d meet someone, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
But as I got older, I realised love is far more complex. Luck plays a bigger role than we acknowledge. Beyond luck, factors like sexual orientation also shape love. I’m on the ace spectrum, so I’m rarely attracted to people. Love, for me, is rare and special.
My understanding of romantic love has matured. I’ve become aware of how unequal society is, particularly for women. Seeing how many men treat their partners, my rose-coloured glasses shattered. I now hold very high standards. I’m focused on self-improvement, and I can’t be with someone who won’t meet me halfway.
Beyond romance, I’ve always known deep, unconditional love through my family. My father’s presence at school events and my parents’ constant support taught me that love means showing up. I also have a solid circle of friends — people who will be there for me no matter what. That kind of love hasn’t changed.
Chloe: From passion to quiet stability
In my early twenties, I believed love was about grand gestures and passionate intensity. I thought if a relationship wasn’t all-consuming, it wasn’t real.
As I’ve grown older, I see love as something deeper and steadier. It’s not just about butterflies but about feeling seen and safe. Love is found in the quiet, everyday moments— when someone makes your tea without being asked or checks in after a long day. These small acts hold more weight than any grand gesture ever could.
